Top Ten Tuesday for July 19!!

A weekly meme hosted by The Broke and the Bookish!
Besides the distraction of work this week, 

I carved out some time to spend with my very best friend who is abandoning me!

Yes, you read that right! She. Is. Abandoning. ME!!

But, I'm doing my deep breathing and reminding myself that 

although she will now be living almost 700 miles away, I can do this..

Breathe in. Breathe out. There is email and texting, 

and other social media which she uses very little, 

but we WILL stay in touch...often! Yes! We will!

And when we do see each other face-to-face it will inevitably 

be even more intense and enjoyable! Whooooooo...okay.

I just realized it is Wednesday and I have yet to complete and post this week's 

Top Ten Tuesday meme although I started it about 3 weeks ago! 

For that, you can blame "the BadLynn," as my BFF is known to me! 

Yes, we are both named Lynn. However, for each of us it is our middle name 

but we have used it our whole life as our first/preferred name! 

And...we were born just a bit more than three months apart!

And...the first time we met we talked for hours and hours, nonstop. 

Yep! We have A LOT in common!

So, although it is now Wednesday, I am determined to complete and post this TTT!

This week's meme is the 

Top Ten Eleven Books I Have Read Set Outside the U.S.

Honestly, I am blaming the fact that I am now 60 years old for my inability to count!
Seriously, I thought I had only 10 books listed for this posting, 
and not until I completed it and started counting again, 
did I determine I had included 11 titles! EGAD!!
I particularly enjoy reading books set in other countries than the one in which 

I have lived my whole life. Since I'm unable to travel much, 

this is one way in which I educate myself as much as possible 

about those other cultures and landscapes, etc.

One of the first books I read set in the "Middle East" as many of us in the U.S. mistakenly term it, was Born Under a Million Shadows by Andrea Busfield. I read this years ago while working at Borders and it was one of the first books we read and reviewed for the Book Club I founded there. It was selected as a "Fiction Expert" read by Borders and I am so grateful it was! I have communicated with Andrea through the years sporadically. She is so open and accepting to readers! One thing about this book that most impressed me and made me connect even moreso with it, was the multiculturalism represented among the characters. I felt this demonstrated the thought processes and reactions that I might have if in the same situation. Actually, I really want to reread this one so I can review it thoroughly on this blog. This would be perfect as a re-read to schedule for Bex's Re-Readathon #4, August 10-21! Yay! 'Cause I was wondering what I might read for this event! Problem solved! :) And I'm hopeful Andrea will be willing to complete an author interview for me to post along with my review! YAY!! 

A book I recently read that proved to be truly inspirational and instilled within me hope for ourselves (the human race), was The Hemingway Book Club of Kosovo by Paula Huntley. this is an autobiographical debut and I found it well-written and easily read, though very informative in so many ways. Huntley managed to include much historical information as well as detailing her experience while stationed in Kosovo with her husband. I was reminded of Kabul Beauty School: An American Woman Goes Behind the Veil by Deborah Rodriguez, in that both of these women simply put their skills to use while in another country/culture, and succeeded in improving others' lives. Isn't that truly the point of our existence in this world? To help others to the best of our ability? Realistically, most of us are only capable of directly impacting our immediate environment, but still...whatever positive contribution(s) we can make, we should do exactly that. I particularly loved the way Huntley used literature to relate to others and help them relate to their world, each other, and to ponder humanity overall.

The Disobedient Wife by Annika Milisic-Stanley was the 21st book to be reviewed by the Literary Wives Online Book Discussion Group, and it was an excellent read! Very informative on so many levels. It is set in post-SovietTajikistan and was both poignant and philosophical in easily accessible language and organization. All the Literary Wives co-hosting bloggers appreciated it in many ways. This was a close-up view of life in a country with virtually no infrastructure or services and a rigid Islamic belief system. There was evidence of outside agencies helping females escape life-threatening marriages and situations, through no fault of their own, simply because they were female in an extremely patriarchal society/culture. However, it also demonstrated just how unhappy and displaced a female can be made to feel in an unsatisfying marriage relationship that is not based upon any religious foundation, too! There was some balance! 

A Monstrous Regiment of Women by Laurie R. King is the second installment in her Russell and Holmes series and is rather intense. Set in the aftermath of World War I in the U.K., it focuses on the social impact of so many males being eliminated from the population and what changes can occur to the females as a result. Of course, I would LOVE this series, since it combines two of my favorite genres, historical fiction and mystery! Must complete a blog post soon! The library book is due back! :)

The Borders Book Club just finished reading and discussing Susanna Kearsley's most recent release, A Desperate Fortune--three of us loved it and one thought it was "okay," with a shrug! :) This was set in France and dealt with a myriad of issues: the Jacobites, the displaced King James, code-breaking, spying, thieving, intrigue, some romance...and autism! This may appear to be a very odd combination, but trust me, it made for a compelling read in so many ways! I loved her novel, The Firebird, which I learned is the second in her Slains series. I really want to read the rest of that series. Time. I just need more reading time! 

Speaking of romance and relationships, Paula McLain's Circling the Sun dealt with so many relationships that were definitely not of the "traditional" variety. But then Africa is basically 'wild,' especially in the early 20th Century! I cannot recall one couple that stood out to me as a 'traditional' couple since so very many of them loved (and even lived with!) someone other than their spouse. These were the most 'faithful' couples of all! Beryl was in love with someone who was the definition of totally independent in his personal life; unmarried and unfettered by any social mores or traditions. Perhaps one thing I came away from this reading experience with was the fact that the largely unsettled landscape seemed to leech into the people living there and create more freedom to be whomever or whatever they wanted to be with few to no boundaries. She was quite a remarkable woman and I am thrilled to have read this book! I do love McLain's writing, having also read and loved The Paris Wife. (Yes, that was my first ever blog posting and oh, boy, you can definitely tell! :) As you know, I love historical fiction, and this was amazing for taking me there! 

Speaking of wild and largely unsettled territory, Enchanted Islands by Allison Amend, was set in the Galapagos Islands located just off the coast of Ecuador, during World War II. This work is historical fiction, based upon Francis Conway's memoirs. I guess you could say that Francis' marriage to Ainslie was one of 'convenience,' though I am stretching the definition of that word in several ways. Suffice it to say that she is an untrained spy except for the few weeks of training she completes just prior to traveling to the Island to LIVE, where there are few people and no shelter, etc. Francis was one of the bravest people I've ever known of in history, in so very many ways, especially settling in a basically uninhabited/uninhabitable environment with a stranger to whom she is now legally married. Let the 'fun' begin! Because she has so very many new discoveries and knowledge to gain! I found this one to be poignant and yet inspiring.

Now that we're among islands and South America, we can move on to The Penguin Lessons by Tom Michell, which is also set along the shores of South America. I found this to be a totally delightful read, especially since I love animals and human-animal relationships! The Borders Book Club read and discussed it and we all agreed it was wonderfully uplifting, though there was some sadness. Though not totally unexpected, it was nonetheless, sad. This is all about Tom's relationship with Juan Salvador...but Juan is not human. :) Ah, did you already guess Juan's identity? (You are good! No one's gonna fool you, huh? Ha! Ha!) This one is adorable!


More islands, but this time, in the Caribbean. The Cay by Theodore Taylor is set during World War II. Add one torpedoed vessel, then one boy, one older man, one missing-presumed-dead mother, and one cat on a never-before-seen-by-you raft, and what do you get? An amazing story of survival and love, that's what! Did I mention Phillip is white and Timothy is black? Yep! It is quite an adjustment for them both. I so admire the skills they develop to survive, much as I did Francis' same determination in Enchanted Islands. And the big question? Do they? Survive... I am anxious to read Timothy of the Cay which is a prequel. Time. Just need more time... :)
Still more water settings, and another vessel also torpedoed by the Germans during World War II. But, this disaster is presented through the eyes of various passengers and we learn much about these seemingly very different people, who really all yearn for the same thing in the end, safe passage to another land and a new life. 
Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys is technically classified as a YA book, though I take these classifications with a grain of salt. If I enjoy reading a book, I don't care about the supposed 'reading level' as determined by someone else. Hence I read and review children's literature, even picture books on occasion! I love them all! I do not necessarily state that a book is identified as 'YA' vs. 'adult.' I am thrilled because I just purchased a copy of her book, Out of the Easy, at Indy Reads Books which is a non-profit totally staffed by volunteers to support the Indy Reads adult literacy program in Indianapolis, Indiana. And...bonus! While there, I was able to donate the bag and box of books that have been riding in my back seat for months! Yay! :)

Last, but by no means least, we will travel back to Africa (after Circling the Sun listed above) and this time explore Apartheid in South Africa. My Son's Story by Nadine Gordimer was a revealing exposé about the damage that can result when a parent devotes their life to a social cause. Sonny is always 'pushing the limits' during this time. As a black man, he moves his family into a restricted white neighborhood. He also forms an intense romantic relationship with a white woman, also against the law at the time. However, he appears very self-centered and unable to devote the time, love, or energy to his family that he should. He would rather be gone, campaigning/fighting 'for the cause' against Apartheid. That is all well and good, but who truly suffers by his absence? His family, of course, those about whom he should care the most... Doesn't this seem to be the way of it? A social 'crusader' so many times cannot develop and maintain strong monogamous relationships. It is a conundrum... I initially felt I didn't resonate well with Gordimer's writing, though in the aftermath, I believe it might just have been the rather 'depressing' subject matter of this novel that made me feel that way. I intend to read The Conservationist to further explore her writing on a different subject matter. I rarely make a determination about an author based upon only one of their published works. I like to read at least two if the first one doesn't seem super-appealing to me. I like to be as certain as I can be about whether an author's writing style truly resonates for me or not. Though, to be sure, there are those (John Green, Laurie R. King, Erica Bauermeister, Garth Stein, etc., etc., etc.) whom I fell in love with immediately!

Can you recommend yet another title of a book 

you really enjoyed that is set outside the U.S.?

Literary Wives #21!!

The Disobedient Wife 

by Annika Milisic-Stanley

Admittedly, I found the cover image 
for this book rather fascinating 
in its simplicity.
My initial thoughts upon seeing it were 
that it certainly did depict the 
isolation any "wife" might feel if she 
was NOT "obedient" in a 
Muslim marriage, 
especially in more traditional 
Islamic societies/cultures. 
Of course, as we learn from reading 
this book, it can also depict 
that same 'isolation' for any woman 
(or partner) in any marriage.

And...don't forget to check out the other cohosting bloggers' reviews:

Emily of The Bookshelf of Emily J
Ariel of One Little Library

Noami of Consumed by Ink

Kay of whatmeread

Click here for more information about Literary Wives and 
other co-hosting bloggers currently on hiatus!

Check out our Facebook page!

The author contacted us and asked if we would like to read and review her book for the Literary Wives Online Book Discussion Group, and we agreed we would. 
She very graciously provided free copies to each of us in exchange for our honest reviews.
I find it rather interesting that we have read two books 
in sequence dealing with marriages set within Islam. 
However, in my mind, there was little commonality between this book 
and The Happy Marriage by Tahar Ben Jelloun. 
I particularly appreciate the fact that The Disobedient Wife seemed to be very practical 
and dealt with the realities of daily life between married partners. 
This was a book that struck me as 'pragmatic' and I could appreciate that. 
Though both books did deal with the reality of a male expecting his female spouse
to become/be an "obedient" and subservient person in their relationship,
even when subjected to abuse. 
As Harriet states, 
"Tajikistan is a cruel place for a young woman who marries the wrong man." (198)

The thought that kept running through my mind as I finished reading this book was:
While physical abuse/violence is definitely the most dangerous to a person's survival, 
other forms of "abuse" can definitely be just as debilitating in many ways. 

Granted, the danger is more immediate, overt, and obvious with physical violence. As in the case of Savsang, the physical abuse was horrific and should have never been allowed to go unpunished and to continue. This is what scares me most about countries where there are no laws to protect people, especially "wives" or female partners, from such abuse. Or...even if there are laws on the books, the reality is that many times there is no enforcement and no one with political/legal power who will listen to and/or believe victims, especially when they are female, and especially when they are "married" to their abusers. I love the way Milisic-Stanley depicts this in such detail through the simple everyday aspects of these women's lives. They literally have nowhere to turn and no one who will actually help them. In fact, as depicted here, the community/ies overall are supportive of these male abusers! The females actually abuse other females just as badly! Particularly the older females, and specifically mothers-in-law! I can never stop shaking my head when I consider such situations. Perhaps A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaleid Hosseini is the most intimately violent book I've read about the plight of females in traditionally rigid Islamic culture. Though this one qualifies as the second most among the books I've read!

Regardless of the fact that Harriet has plenty of financial resources and is free to plan her days, she proved to be just as 'stuck' in her marriage as anyone else, although she and her husband certainly had no relationship even closely resembling a true partnership with effective communication and sharing and he totally withdrew from his family, effectively abandoning them in all ways except financially. Harriet had dutifully agreed to abandon her own career to "trail" her husband in diplomatic work around the world. This involved a commitment to moving every 2-3 years to a completely different geographic location and culture(s), which can be very isolating in and of itself. It's rather obvious that none of these expat wives are dealing well with the stress of this lifestyle, though Harriet seems to be the best adjusted. However, as Henri pulls away and abandons their relationship and his family, she also sinks into depression and relies on alcohol for her escapism.

By page 50 or so I was a bit sick and tired of Harriet's complaints, while she seemingly overlooked Nargis' own plight of extreme poverty, I was glad to see that she finally did begin to see Nargis for who she truly was and what her life entailed regarding discomfort and inaccessibility to services, having barely enough money to avoid starvation for herself, her children, and her extended family. Even Nargis admits that the only reason her own parents were willing to allow her to move back with them after she left her second husband who consistently beat her and her son, was her ability to work and contribute consistent income to the household! Her own parents!! Harriet did have a good heart and had obviously been generous with "servants" in the past, much to her miserly husband's chagrin! Once she begins to realize what needs Nargis has (for boots, decent weather-appropriate clothing, and increased earnings), she does her best to help. Though at one point Nargis is a bit worried about Harriet's intensity to find her more work to fill what few leisure hours she now has... A couple of months ago I heard a study reported on NPR regarding the development of empathy within people who were "rich" or "well off" and had little to no sense of empathy for others who were less fortunate than themselves. In this study, these 'hard-hearted' people, as I would call them, were exposed to videos depicting hardships faced by individual people. Amazingly, even just a bit of such exposure did increase the participants' sense of empathy and willingness to help others. It didn't take much to create this type of change and awareness of others' struggles among these people. That gives me some hope... 

Nargis has worked hard and saved money to purchase a store in their mahalla, though the irresponsible lazy men in her family almost ruin that for her within the first couple of months! I purchase as much as I can through Fair Trade resources, since I can be assured the artisans (both in the U.S. and other countries) are paid fair market prices for their goods and services. This is how I obtain the tea I drink every day. It is through such organizations that even females can become economically successful, and experience proves that when females have control of a family's finances that money is typically used as it should be--to care for, feed, and educate the children. This opposed to the majority of males who will simply party away whatever money they make, to the detriment of their families, leaving little to none for necessities. 

Milisec-Stanley did a good job of depicting the resulting political unrest of economic decline; once men are unable to find work to support themselves and their families, they can become easy recruits for terrorist organizations and/or other revolutionary and/or criminal institutions and groups. For example, when Jamshed walked into the bar and purposefully sat down to speak with Pouloud, he already knew Pouloud had been working in Russia, but had not yet returned. I'm sure these men were all targeted as those who were unable to find legitimate work in Tajikistan, so they were all the more likely to jump at the chance to carry out illegal activities to earn money. Of course, for me, I am cynical enough to believe that any time one group of people is given power over others (i.e. Muslim males over females) they are more likely to become lazy in their tyranny, though Milisec-Stanley made it clear that when there are no possibilities for work, a society becomes rife with dissatisfied citizens. Additionally, that pushes those who will work toward more nefarious and even illegal activities. As  Henri states, "cotton and aluminum prices have fallen through the floor, so heroin is the main income earner." It is difficult to redirect people from criminal activities to make money when there is no other viable option available. And honestly, when Pouloud recited the daily routine of his life while working in a Russian factory, I could definitely understand why he wouldn't wish to return. It was horrid, virtually unbearable. Though that was the only bit of sympathy that man received from me! However, he was also a product of this specific time and place, to a degree. As a Muslim male he had total control and power (so he thought) over his "wife," and certainly no one would dispute that, not even his own parents! I kept thinking as I read this, that I don't believe any of my three sons would ever abuse their partners or children, at least they'd better not, 'cause they'd better hope it was the police or someone else who got to them first...and not their mother! I would have little mercy on them for such reprehensible behavior! 

What does this book say about wives or about the experience of being a wife?

Since I am not enamored by any organized religion, I found it extremely interesting that the Tajikistan marriages were all within the Islam religion, but the one 'western' marriage about which we received detailed information involved a man who was "atheist" in his spiritual/religious beliefs. So while it was obvious to see the abuse heaped upon wives by Muslim males, the 'abuse' Henri commits against Harriet is much more insidious and unseen, at least by her. All she knows is that she is "adrift" without her partner as a means of support (in every way other than financial) or even an active member of the family! She and her children have quite literally been abandoned by Henri. It is not until she sees the Russian woman in his hospital room, who is pregnant with his child, that Harriet totally rejects him as her husband. (With regard to the bomb incident, I found it interesting that the only other person supposedly injured by this device, the gardener, was never even mentioned as to any injuries or his possible death. We are only informed of the westerner's injuries...) Ironically, as Henri pulls away more from his own family, he fires one of the servants and demands that Harriet begin to cook for him and his guests, even though the food supply is sketchy at best, and it requires her to spend much time (and money) shopping for food, etc. While he never physically (or sexually) abuses Harriet, he is abusive to her in every other way, particularly emotionally. 

Wives. As a Muslim female you have no rights within a marriage, unless you happen to have knowledge of and access to services that westerners have established to help females escape intolerably abusive relationships/marriages. This is reinforced by the community(ies) overall, including the woman's own family, etc. Though I did note that Nargis' mother, Gulya, was finally agreeable to her daughter seeking help hiding from her husband once he had admitted he was smuggling drugs and insisting that she join him in these criminal activities. In retrospect, I had to wonder how much of that was to get Nargis out of her house to help protect herself, her husband, and her son (Whom she had always favored and deferred to, as any good Muslim mother would with a male child.) from Pouloud should he come after Nargis as he had promised to do? I couldn't imagine that self-preservation wasn't a large motivating factor for this 'change of heart.'

Yet as a wife of a seemingly 'progressive' western diplomat, you were expected to allow your husband to similarly do as he pleased and remain in the marriage. Granted, at least for Harriet, there was no physical/sexual abuse involved, other than abandonment and neglect, but she was certainly expected to just stand by and stay in the marriage, no matter what. Though unlike Nargis, she did apparently have family who could and would help her, at least to some extent, back in England. And we learn that she had extracted enough financial settlement from Henri to adequately support herself and her children. And, it is in this final stage of their relationship that Harriet proves she had indeed 'seen' and understands what type of help Nargis and her children can use most, as she arranges to pay all schooling fees for the children; providing education for their children is the main financial challenge for parents in most of the underdeveloped countries. Education is not 'free' or automatically provided by these governments. Typically, these governments don't even provide sufficient infrastructure, sanitation or plumbing, etc. These people live alongside their own waste, as did Nargis and her family. 

So what made these two women choose to break free from their respective marriages? It was an internal strength that each of them had and used. The ability to be strong and persevere, regardless of the challenges they faced. We discover that it is Nargis' strength that keeps Harriet motivated to improve herself and advance her own life once she returns to England with her children, cutting Henri from their lives. As she states,

Whenever I feel frightened of the future, uncertain of whether I can manage alone, I think of her.

What would Nargis not be able to do in Britain? 

What could she not achieve without tradition and poverty holding her back? 

Her trials were so much worse than anything I have had to face, yet she prevails. 

She inspires me forward, into my new, uncertain life and gives me the determination to succeed. And so I will. (285)

Much of what this book spoke to me of was the ability of women to be people in their own right. Not to be owned by or beholden to a male in a marriage to determine their life. In my own experience, I agree with those 'experts' who claim many fewer marriages would remain intact if females had financial independence in their own right. This has been true for me in my own experience with marriage. Women who have financial security can leave much more easily than those who do not. It is a matter of economic viability, just as it applies to countries such a Tajikistan where people are unable to obtain work to support themselves. Education and economic opportunity provide stability, for societies overall, and women in particular.

If you haven't read this book, you really should.

I would highly recommend it and would love to know more about the author 

and how much, if any, of this book reflects her own personal experiences.

Islam is not conducive to women being their own people overall.

I can only hope that will change for the better.

In my opinion, there cannot be a stable society when one-half 

of its population is subjugated and controlled by others.


Join us for our next 
Literary Wives read 
in August.


We will review 
How to Be A Good Wife 
by Emma Chapman