Rules...are made for breaking? :)

Rules by Cynthia Lord

I have seen this cover image so many times, especially as a Borders bookseller!

I never had even read the synopsis to know what it was really about. 

Then, it appeared at a local library book sale for only $.50 and it was mine!

(Well, actually, it was meant for my grandchildren, but grandma must preview, after all!)

This is a realistic yet adorable book with such a message about acceptance and appreciation--especially with regard to really not caring what other people think or will say...

All in all, my kind of book, and the kind I believe we can all gain value by reading!

Perhaps what I found to be the most interesting aspect of this award-winning book, was the fact that although Catherine's brother, David, deals with symptoms of autism, she is still just as worried about "what everyone else thinks" as any other 12-year-old girl. When her mother (with David in tow) picked her up from one of her friend's houses, David began running through the house opening all the doors, looking for the "cellar," though there was none to be found. 
  "Real friends understand," Mom had said on the ride home. But here's what I understand: Sometimes everyone gets invited except us, and it's because of David. (6)
As with most of us at this 'tween' age, Catherine doesn't have many close friends and unfortunately, during the summer, her best friend, Melissa, stays in another state with her father. However, Catherine is already planning how she and the new next door neighbor, also a 12-year-old girl, will do all the same things together that she would like to do with Melissa, were she around...

Catherine willingly accompanies her mother when she takes David to the clinic for weekly therapy appointments. 
  The clinic is a few streets from the ocean, and in the summer sometimes mom and I walk to the waterfront park while David has his appointment. It's the only time in the week that I get Mom completely to myself and someone else is in charge of David. Mom likes to stay in the clinic waiting room so she can here if David has a hard time, but I like when we leave, because then she doesn't look away from me every time she hears him shriek. (14)
Wow. How much pressure is that?!? Not only for Catherine, but especially her mother? I firmly believe such challenging situations affect the caretakers and those in the immediate household as much as those who are disabled. Everyone must adjust and flex and there are rare opportunities for respite for most... 

And can I just say that I adore this mother's relationship with her daughter?!? Although Catherine is twelve and quite capable of reading the Harry Potter books on her own, her mother still reads each new release in the series aloud to her. Sharing special books together! Ah, it makes my soul smile! (Okay, especially HP! Some of my favorite books ever written!) This definitely resonated for me. During David's appointments her mother reads quietly to Catherine while she draws with colored pencils. It is her artistic ability that first connects her to Jason, another patient who is in a wheelchair and unable to speak. Catherine is uneasy looking at Jason, not knowing where to put her eyes on him, then realizes 
  Maybe by drawing Jason, I could look at him easier. 
     Looking closer can make something beautiful. 
  Sometimes I can change how I feel about something by drawing it. (19)
I could understand this sentiment, much as getting to know a person can allow us to learn to appreciate something about that individual that we might otherwise never know... And one of the communication issues most cited by disabled individuals is that other people do not look them in the eyes, just as they would any "normal" person. I have never forgotten this after first reading it about 30 years ago and have always coached myself to just look people in the eye, no matter who they are or their circumstances, and it typically is a well-received gesture. Though this doesn't work out exactly had Catherine had planned, it does initiate a friendship between herself and Jason. They learn they have things in common: love of music, appreciation of humor and sarcasm, and love of running.

The Rules generally referred to by the title are those Catherine lists and teaches to David. 
     Chew with your mouth closed.
     Say "thank you" when someone gives you a present (even if you don't like it). 
     If someone says "Hi," you say "Hi" back.
     When you want to get out of answering something, distract the questioner with 
        another question.
     Not everything worth keeping has to be useful.
     If the bathroom door is closed, knock (especially if Catherine has a friend over).
     Sometimes people laugh when they like you. But sometimes they laugh to hurt 
        you.
     No toys in the fish tank.  [Hence the cover image!]
This last one is the one he most often delights in "breaking." Though she also creates some rules for herself along the way. :) The major one of those is

     No dancing unless I'm home alone in my room or it's pitch-black dark.

Though ironically, she learns, with Jason's help, how much fun it can sometimes be to break one's own rule!
She and David also have a communication ritual revolving around Arnold Lobel's children's classic, Frog and Toad are Friends. It seems to be very calming for David to be able to quote lines from this book. He and Catherine will converse just as if they were themselves frog and toad. It is adorable! This certainly resonated for me since my three sons would often quote from the Disney movie Robin Hood. They would often act out whole scenes. (Yes, they virtually had the whole movie memorized verbatim!) It was fun for them...and me! (Some times they even allowed me to play a part.) The voices of those characters are adorable! 

This is one award-winning book with which I definitely concur that it deserves all these accolades...and more: 

A Newberry Honor Book

A Schneider Family Book Award Winner

An ALA Notable Children's Book

A Bank Street College of Education Best Children's Book of the Year

An NCTE Notable Children's Book in the Language Arts

A Michigan Library Association Mitten Award Winner

This is such a rewarding read! Fun and heartwarming!

Have you read this one? Or do you know someone who might appreciate it?

One of my favorite reads in a long time! Quirky and fun!!

The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

I love this book! For me, it was in some ways reminiscent of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon and The Kitchen Daughter by Jael McHenry, and perhaps to a lesser degree, Love Anthony by Lisa Genova. I suppose the main similarity to these books is the fact that the protagonist exhibits certain symptoms of autism/Asperger's Syndrome. However, I believe Simsion has hit on a formula that may appear more pertinent to many adult readers. Firstly, it centers on the themes of adult relationships and romance, which typically resonates with most adults' trials and tribulations in said areas. Secondly, there is much humor, both subtle and overt, interspersed throughout this book--I was definitely laughing out loud many times as I read it! Thirdly, there were secondary themes of monogamy/'open marriage', paternity, parent-child relationships, and professional ethics/morality. This probably makes the book appear much more complex than it really is. (I just love to parse out themes!) But have no fear--I found it to be extremely readable AND enjoyable! I was a bit surprised that all three of the other book club members who read this by the time we met were in agreement that it took a while for them to get into the story. Not so for me! I loved it from the first word on. :) All three of them really liked it and it did provoke great discussion.

There are so very many episodes/situations I would LOVE to quote to you verbatim, but I will attempt to pull only those which tickled me the most! (Trust me--there are MANY!!) Upon considering his best friend's (one of only two friends at that time) request to present a lecture in his stead, Don Tillman considers:

"...on the designated evening I had scheduled ninety-four minutes to clean my bathroom." (1)

Yep! That was within the 6th sentence of this book. A dead give-away! :) My first thought--Can we say "OCD"? :) Plus, I'm sorry, but did he literally scrub every square inch of that bathroom with a toothbrush? The only time I spent that much time "cleaning a bathroom" was when I had to contend with the rust stains created by iron-rich well water, requiring much scrubbing! Don proceeds to outline his three options:

  1. Cleaning the bathroom after the lecture, resulting in loss of sleep with a consequent 

      reduction in mental and physical performance.

  2. Rescheduling the cleaning until the following Tuesday, resulting in an eight-day period of 

      compromised bathroom hygiene and consequent risk of disease.

  3. Refusing to deliver the lecture, resulting in damage to my friendship with Gene. (1-2)

So...I don't know about you, but these specific thoughts would probably never enter my mind, for many different reasons. However, in some ways I admire someone who can be so thoroughly regimented and rational. Wow...

  I presented the dilemma to Gene, who, as usual, had an alternative solution.

  "Don, I'll pay for someone to clean your bathroom."

...This was an excellent outcome, and an illustration of Gene's ability to find solutions to social problems. (2)
In my opinion, it also proved Gene had excess disposable income, and, was probably a very self-serving egotistical man, willing to do whatever it takes to get his way... Though obviously, he has served as a true friend to Don, a person with whom most people have found it impossible to spend much time, let alone someone with whom to comfortably initiate and maintain a friendship. Personal note: I tend to be drawn to those who appear to be judged by the overall majority as 'socially different.' Perhaps mainly due to the fact that as a young child I was ostracized by many others due to environmental and social circumstances beyond my control--I can just relax and accept/appreciate more 'variability' in social skills and behaviors than most other people. 

  Two lunchtimes were sufficient to research and prepare my lecture on Asperger's syndrome, without sacrificing nourishment, thanks to the provision of Wi-Fi in the medical library café. I had no previous knowledge of autism spectrum disorders, as they were outside my specialty. The subject was fascinating. It seemed appropriate to focus on the genetic aspects of the syndrome, which might be unfamiliar to my audience. Most diseases have some basis in our DNA, though in many cases we have yet to discover it. My own work focuses on genetic predisposition to cirrhosis of the liver. Much of my working time is devoted to getting mice drunk. (6) 

Ha! Simsion does such an excellent job of interspersing humor throughout this book! 

As Don explains in his lecture:

  "Asperger's isn't a fault. It's a variant. It's potentially a major advantage. Asperger's syndrome is associated with organization, focus, innovative thinking, and rational detachment."  

  A woman at the rear of the room raised her hand. I was focused on the argument now and made a minor social error, which I quickly corrected.  

  "The fat woman--overweight woman--at the back?" (10)

Again--humor used in the course of making a point!! :)

At different times during his lecture, the students were chanting, "Shoot the baby!" and "Aspies Rule!" At the close of the lecture Don notes to himself:

  The parents made no constructive suggestions; some even tried to suppress their children's creativity.

  I raised my hands. "Time's up. Excellent work. All the rational solutions came from the aspies. Everyone else was incapacitated by emotion." (11)

And Don was absolutely correct, however, some would note that there were ethical and moral dilemmas associated with his proposed scenario as well... :)
Later, Claudia asked if Don had enjoyed the Asperger's lecture. 
I...told her I had found the subject fascinating.
  "Did the symptoms remind you of anyone?" she asked. 
  They certainly did. They were an almost perfect description of Laszlo Hevesi in the Physics Department. (21)
It should have hit a bit closer to home than that, I would think! ;) I gathered that Gene and Claudia had planned for Don to give this lecture as an introduction to discussing his own personality characteristics. 

I loved Don's ability to not only accept but appreciate Daphne's qualities and particularly her enthusiasm to learn and his enthusiasm to teach her. He was able to continue accepting and interacting with her in a way that made her happy long after most people would have done so, and I appreciated his patience and dedication to her and their relationship. This demonstrated his loyalty. As with Asperger's, there aren't many who can tolerate and continue to interact with Alzheimer's sufferers. 

As demonstrated throughout this book, Don's thought processes are NOT 'typical' (or 'normal,' if you prefer or still use that word) and provide a seemingly aberrant alternative to the usual... There were times when Rosie could be just as inappropriate:
  "...I'm not proficient at dating. There are so many rules to remember."
  "You're doing okay," she sad. "Except for staring at my boobs." (61) 
Ha! Caught! However, upon questioning, he can describe the pendant she is wearing in detail, as well as the one from earlier in the day, so he was able to justify his excuse of looking at her pendant(s). :)

Perhaps Don himself summed it up best:

  Ultimately, the entire father problem was caused by Gene. He almost certainly taught the medical students an oversimplified model of the inheritance of common traits. If Rosie's mother had known that eye color is not a reliable indicator of paternity and organized a DNA test to confirm her suspicions, there would have been no Father Project, no Great Cocktail Night, no New York Adventure, no Reform Don Project--and no Rosie Project. Had it not been for this unscheduled series of events,...I would still be eating lobster every Tuesday night. 

  Incredible. (292)
Proof that without some spontaneous unexpected life events our lives would prove to be very dull and boring! 

I admit I was very curious about all the hype I had read regarding this book. I strongly advise you to pick this one up and read it, if you haven't already! And if you have, what struck you most about this book? 

There was so much to consider and contemplate...while it sounds rather complex, it was quite simply written and very easily understood. And I loved each of these characters!

Definitely anxious to read the sequel, The Rosie Effect!