Literary Wives #18

The Kitchen God's Wife by Amy Tan

I fully admit there is no way I can truly comprehend the abuse heaped upon females in the "feudal" or "olden" times. I am rather certain I would not have lived long...and hopefully, I would have managed to take out a few of the meaner males along with me! :) I'm pretty sure that would have become my over-riding goal! One of the things that keeps striking me is that no woman had any control over anything in her life, not really. No control over sex! When you had it or with whom! If a man wanted it, he got it, purely and simply! There was no such concept as "consensual" sex. And to compound this, no birth control, nor any thought of the concept of 'birth control.' Hence Wen Fu was able to torture his wife by impregnating her although she continued to miscarry every time. It's a wonder she lived through the physical abuse, as well as the emotional/verbal abuse. Wen Fu was evil incarnate. A man, the likes of whom, any female hopes never to know, let alone to become his wife.  

Be sure to check out the other co-hosting bloggers' reviews: 
Emily of The Bookshelf of Emily J
Naomi of Consumed by Ink
Kay of whatmeread
Click here for more information about Literary Wives and other co-hosting bloggers currently on hiatus! Check out our Facebook page!

Pearl begins this book with a broad description of her own marriage relationship with Phil: 

When we were first married, Phil used to say that I was driven by blind devotion to fear and guilt. I would counter that he was selfish, that the things one had to do in life sometimes had nothing to do with what was fun or convenient. And then he would say the only reason we had to go [visit my family] was that I had been manipulated into thinking I had no choice, and that I was doing the same thing to him. And then our first baby, Tessa, came along, and a year later my illness was diagnosed. The shape of our arguments changed. We no longer fought self-righteously over the philosophical differences concerning individual choice, perhaps because Phil developed a sense of duty toward the baby, as well as to me, or at least to my medical condition. So the whole issue of individual choice became tricky, a burden to keep up, until it fell away... (15)

In returning to the places I've marked in this book to compose a review, I realize that in many ways this single portion of a paragraph and the story contained within the first 75 pages or so is juxtaposed to the remaining 335 pages or so of the book! We begin with Pearl and Phil who seemingly have a rather normal marriage in the U.S., except for the fact that Pearl is dealing with chronic illness, and that would, by its very nature, change the dynamics of the husband-wife relationship, I am certain. Pearl continues,
...I'm not really sure why I still give in to my family obligations. While I would never admit this to Phil, I've come to resent the duty. I'm not looking forward to seeing the Kwongs, especially Mary. And whenever I'm with my mother, I feel as though I have to spend the whole time avoiding land mines. (16)
I could relate to this last line regarding her mother. By my mid-twenties, I did my best NOT to discuss anything personal with my mother. Why? Because she would launch into "lecture" mode and I would hear every single nuance of my behavior, thoughts, and attitudes that was wrong, simply wrong! Never was there any acknowledgement of a job well done, just critical essays of my many shortcomings. I believe Pearl felt communication with her mother was much the same...and, of course, Pearl's mother, "Winnie," knew nothing of the illness. I could understand Pearl's reluctance to confess this to her mother, fearing that she would never 'hear the end of it' once Winnie knew...

The bulk of this book is Winnie's story of her life in China, before coming to the U.S. in her late twenties. We also learn about 'Helen'/Hulan and Auntie Du/Grand Auntie who followed her to the U.S., and so many others who remained in China but played pivotal roles in Winnie's life. Polygamy was the name of the game, with men housing as many wives as they could afford, in addition to concubines, etc. Homes were not just multi-generational, but also contained multi-nuclear families with one common male figurehead. By Winnie divulging her own personal history to her daughter, Pearl, her actions, behaviors, and attitudes become much more understandable, as a natural outgrowth of the various and multiple abuses she had suffered throughout her lifetime. 

Perhaps more than anything, this book is about "secrets." Secrets kept from one another as 'best friends,' relatives, mother-daughter, husband-wife, father-child, etc. Along with secrets are lies, for many times, one must lie to another in order to keep personal knowledge hidden. Winnie endured her father sending her away to his brother's home once her own mother 'disappeared.' Of course, there was bribery involved, in that the brother was given a factory and other income-producing gifts. Then she was married off to a man and his family known to be volatile, with unethical and immoral business practices as well as his own personal behaviors. There was nothing but betrayal and exploitation in Winnie's life while in China, with what little satisfaction and achievement she could accomplish given her lack of control of most aspects of her life. I believe Winnie embodied a similar 'fight' that her mother probably displayed in her own life, and that is what prompted her mother to abandon Winnie. Winnie realized her powerlessness in the Chinese society, but there was little she could do to 'fight back.' It is only at the end of the book that Helen's secret is revealed and we realize the extent of her foresight and ultimate loyalty in lying and keeping secrets! 

As Pearl describes her mother:
To this day it drives me crazy, listening to her various hypotheses, the way religion, medicine, and superstition all merge with their own beliefs. She puts no faith in other peoples' logic--to her, logic is a sneaky excuse for tragedies, mistakes, and accidents. And according to my mother, nothing is an accident. (29)
It would be difficult to be either Pearl or her mother, wouldn't it? Winnie emigrates to the U.S. and a totally different culture, from one based upon superstitious negativity and fear, to one that is in many ways more 'enlightened,' where her own beliefs have long been abandoned. It would be so difficult! Then to be the first-generation U.S.-born children of immigrants would prove so challenging, trying to fit into U.S. culture while dealing with your own parents, whom you truly don't understand based upon your current environment. But once Winnie's history is known, it is easier to understand her amalgam of personal beliefs. And this brings me to a subject I have been pondering as of late. I think each of us should record our own autobiography for the sake of our offspring and/or other relatives. Our individual understandings of life should be written for others to learn more about us. I have begun this process so that although my sons and I have little time for 'personal revelations,' there would be a way for them to truly know who I am. I feel few adults truly know who there parents are or were. Perhaps I am more sensitive to this now in the aftermath of my own mother's death and the revelations that have followed. I would like my own children to have a frame of reference when they think of me without needing to guess about everything. But I digress...

On to the two questions we always consider with each Literary Wives read: 

1. What does this book say about wives or about the experience of being a wife?

The experience of being a wife in China during Winnie's early adulthood was horrific. It totally depended upon the man to whom your family literally "sold" you. (And this was set in the 20th Century!) Wen Fu was such an evil and volatile person, he intimidated other males to yield to his will, regardless of the logic or humanity or lack thereof. As in the case of his own daughter, whom he willingly allowed to die, even controlling the doctor who wanted to treat the child when it might have been enough to save her life. He was a monster, purely and simply, and no one could truly help her. There were no safety nets available to her, until she did finally discover a woman who was providing protection and help to other females in similarly abusive relationships, but then her 'best friend' betrayed her and she was right back where she started and treated even worse, if that is possible... The experience of being a wife in these times in China was unbelievable to me. Winnie's treatment was abysmal by any standards, in my opinion. A female's experience as a wife was totally dependent upon the male who was your husband, period. No one would ever try to help you and if you were smart enough to figure out you were powerless and you should not be treated in this way, as Winnie did, there was still nobody to help you. It was definitely a no-win situation. Though I was proud that Winnie did find some small ways to thwart her husband and mother-in-law--they were petty but provided her some small satisfaction. 

2. In what way does this woman define "wife"--or in what way is she defined by "wife"?

A woman was totally defined by her role as "wife" in this Chinese society/culture. There was little to no provision for a woman to express herself or be her own person. Her role and her life as an adult were strictly defined by her husband. Even Helen, whose marriage appeared to be a shining juxtaposition to Winnie's abusive relationship, had her own disappointments with which to deal. This beautifully depicted the fact that although our relationships may appear to others to be happy and fulfilling, we all deal with our own challenges...no relationship is 'perfect' since we are humans and by definition, we are imperfect, especially in our interactions with each other! There was, of course, no realistically self-supporting job provided to a "single" woman in China at this time. If you were an adult female you had better be married, 'cause there was no vocation other than prostitution open to you. This was quite depressing overall as I read, though I admit I loved knowing that Winnie did finally discover "true love." Awwww...

All in all, this book definitely makes me appreciate the time and place 

into which I have been born! At least for this lifetime! 

Have you read this book? What else would you contribute in a review?

Feel free to include your thoughts in the comments below!

Or have you read any other of Amy Tan's books? 

I am currently reading The Joy Luck Club and 

I am amazed at the way superstition is the basis of belief.

We will be reading and reviewing A Circle of Wives by Alice LaPlante in February 2016!

Literary Wives #15

My Father's Wives 

by Mike Greenberg

Admittedly, I know nothing about this author. We never watch TV--purposefully! And if I did, I would never watch sports! So I have no preconceived notions or expectations going into this book. Though the premise does sound interesting and I feel it could go anywhere.

I enjoyed this book! Granted, I could personally relate to several aspects of this story, and that always seems to increase my enjoyment! There was much humor, subtle and otherwise! One of the opening scenes was amazingly similar to Jonathan Tropper's This Is Where I Leave You, though in its own way, it was unique to Jonathan's story. I was left with much to ponder since the ending was not all nicely and neatly wrapped up, leaving some room for interpretation and speculation! The initial opening scene was quite humorous, John listing the three times he had been "struck by lightning" by various females, and the one time he was not... 
     Her face was so close to mine our noses touched, and I could smell the 
  apples and cinnamon on her lips, feel the warmth of her breath. It was the 
  closest I have ever been to anyone, in every way. It didn't feel like lightning 
  at all--just the opposite. Lightning is loud and scary; Claire made me feel 
  quiet and safe. (26)
Awwww...how sweet! I have read of male characters depicted as just knowing they will marry someone after their initial meeting, as Jonathan does.  This seems a bit too impetuous to me. I certainly never felt that way upon meeting someone. Girls, could you weigh in on this? Any of you felt that way? 

I can definitely relate to discovery of your spouse's infidelity and the emptiness, bewilderment, and abandonment you may feel as you try to incorporate this new reality into your most intimate of relationships, particularly if you have children. Yeah, I remember...and I applaud Jon for proceeding with his daily life, though he was naturally a bit distracted--I was totally unnerved--it took quite a while for me to fully incorporate this knowledge and get back to my routine. I could understand how the mind might latch onto some seemingly nonsensical thought about the fancy Frette sheets in the wake of what he saw through the keyhole. I believe that is a defense mechanism of the mind, incorporating such shattering knowledge a bit at a time...

I loved the way Jonathan actually missed his children so much! I cannot imagine missing out on time spent with them when they're young. He seemed to be a very kind, caring, hands-on father to both Andrew (age 6) and Phoebe (age 9) even though he was obviously a successful Wall Street executive. That made me like him even more. Speaking with them on the phone actually made him miss them more than not, so he would simply speak to their photographs in his office! Awwww... 

I loved how Claire used the fact that she was married to finally assert herself with her parents and decline their skiing invitation, 
     "I hate skiing!" Claire said...
     "You're kidding," I said. "I hate it too! I thought you loved it!"
     "Never! My parents have been making me ski since I was six; I've hated 
  every day of it. It's freezing cold, the lift lines are endless, and the food in the 
  lodge is disgusting, even the hot chocolate. I just never had the heart to tell 
  my parents because it makes them so happy. But come on, I'm a married 
  woman now." (37)
As Jonathan realizes in remembering this scene, Claire lied to her parents rather skillfully... Though he continues,
     I think every couple has that perfect moment, when both people realize   
  they really are right for each other and all the assumptions they had to make 
  along the way have been verified. Little doubts melt away, and for the first 
  time they both know for sure they really are going to be all right after the 
  euphoria of the engagement and the buzz of the parties and the whirlwind of 
  the wedding an the sporadic arrival of fancy dishes; when life becomes just 
  life again, they really are going to love each other after all. (37)
Although I never had a formal wedding or any of the other hoopla--just threw a party for the families the first time, and quietly signed papers at the courthouse the second time--I could relate to this feeling of solidarity with your partner, kinda you and him/her against the world. :)

Another aspect of this book to which I could closely relate was not really knowing your own father. I have never met my biological father and it is too late since he died almost 20 years ago, so I could easily relate to wanting to know more about this person, but especially given the fact that his father was so famous and powerful, and obviously NOT someone for whom a relationship would necessarily last a lifetime! I thought the perspectives of Jonathan's stepmothers were quite interesting, to learn that basically this man went from one partner to another based upon what he thought he needed at that time in his life, with evidently no thought of their feelings, only his own...though that could fit with the stereotypical politician's reputation? 

It was remarkable to note Percival's real feelings of inadequacy and fears...of dying...of being alone, etc. Perhaps that is one of the biggest differences between these two men, the father had a blustery public persona which hid deep personal "problems"/issues while Jonathan was very confident and driven but was a much more settled and psychologically balanced person in his relationships. 

Now for the wifely questions:

1) What does this book say about wives or about the experience of being a wife?
    
Being a wife to Jonathan's father, Percival the third (How pretentious is that name?), was obviously to be swept off your feet by someone with so much charisma and charm as to make you believe he really did care about you, though as several (perhaps all?) of his ex-wives noted, he truly did not care about anyone but himself in the end. And, perhaps it was to hopefully fulfill Percival's perceived need at that particular time. However, he did profess to each of them his love for Alice, Jon's mother, so perhaps somewhere down deep he did have a sense of loyalty, but he certainly didn't show it... As for Claire, I truly believe she was innocent and that it wasn't her Jon spied through the keyhole after all, and I believe he was quite secure in this interpretation of the events of the recent past. It all seemed to fit. Claire ran everything for her family, she was the glue that held it all together, but she was also very kind, caring, loving, and seemingly sincere. I believe each of Percival's wives had to be their own independent person so they could not just survive, but thrive, in the wake of his abandonment. Whereas, Jon and Claire seem to work at staying together and making a successful long-term relationship. So this book appeared to be more about how a man selects a wife than about how a woman carries out her role as wife, though we meet many women who discuss their role as wife...

2) In what way does this woman define "wife"--or in what way is she defined 
    by wife? 

I think all of Percival's wives were sincere in their role as his wife, though perhaps overly-impressed by his power and status, but they were mostly independent self-sufficient females who also made lives for themselves after their marriage to him. (Of course, the money helped make them financially secure if they weren't already...) Each of them seemed to be very unique from the others, definitely not a matter of him having always selected the same type of person to marry. It seems that wives of more successful men (at least in a financial sense) are perhaps more defined by their role as "the wife of..." whomever, than those whose husbands have less financial resources, unless the wives are successful in their own right. To me, Claire fit the stereotype of being "the wife of..." Jon, and it seemed to work for both of them, and their children. 

Have you read this one yet? What did you think? I have a copy of his other book, All You Could Ask For, and I hope to read it sometime soon...

Please check out the reviews of the other co-hosting bloggers:

Emily of The Bookshelf of Emily J
Naomi of Consumed by Ink
Kay of whatmeread

Join us for our next Literary Wives review of 
The Astronaut Wives Club by Lily Koppel 
on Monday, August 3rd. 

I am really looking forward to reading this one. 

And...we will have an interview with the author posted along with the reviews! (I'm double-excited now!) :)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Literary Wives #6: The Wife, the Maid, and the Mistress by Ariel Lawhon

Welcome back to the Literary Wives Virtual Book Club!

• Our sixth read was a "scorcher"! 
• You should add it to your to-read list for 2014!
• 
  
• ISBN-13: 9780385537629
• Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
• Publication date: January 28, 2014
• Pages: 320

Firstly, thanks to the publisher for providing all of us with copies of this outstanding novel to review prior to publication. 

My favorite quote: "...the pecking order remained intact. Wife first. Then mistress. Leave the maid behind to clean up the mess."

Although not my favorite genre, this book felt a bit like noir as I read it, but it had me enthralled from the start! And that feeling never left me as I progressed to the end! I totally agree with Melanie Benjamin's review--it is definitely a "page-turner"! I really wanted to just sit and finish it in one fell swoop! However, that full-time job and other daily life activities prevented my doing so! I am certain that did nothing to diminish my enjoyment, however. 

For me, the plot was the main character in this story. Admittedly, I was fascinated that I loved this book although I felt the characterization to be a bit less in-depth than I typically prefer. I kept thinking to myself as I read, "Wow...none of these women is truly operating in Joe's best interests, are they?" 
I initially noted to myself, "Joe is a bastard." 
Not too long after that, "Joe is really a bastard!" 
And, lo and behold, these insights were proven to be true! 
As they say, when you play with fire...

As always with historical fiction, I was delighted to find myself a bit more enlightened about a historical event/situation, as with this "Hoffa-like" disappearance of a Supreme Court judge during the Tammany Hall days of total corruption. Nothing would surprise me about that era in NYC! Naturally, I was reminded of The Godfather in the consistency of relationships based upon raw corrupt political power with a foundation of money and influence as drivers. 

All the hosting bloggers contributed questions to be asked of the author, Ariel Lawhon (pictured to the left), as she graciously agreed to grant us an interview. Audra at Unabridged Chick graciously conducted and posted the interview here. I befriended Ariel on Goodreads when only about halfway through the book, I was so impressed!! In addition to being physically beautiful, she is very open to communicating with readers. 
Ariel is co-founder of the popular online book club, She Reads, a novelist, blogger, and life-long reader. She lives in the rolling hills outside Nashville, Tennessee with her husband and four young sons (aka The Wild Rumpus). She believes that Story is the shortest distance to the human heart.

Now for the "wifely" questions!

1) What does this book say about wives or about the experience of being a wife?

Stella reminded me of Alice in American Wife in the fact that she was also a politician's wife, necessarily intent upon keeping up appearances to enable her husband's career. Though Stella was definitely feistier than Alice (Admittedly, I am still angry with Alice!), I am uncertain whether Alice's rather demure countenance would ever reconcile with Stella's steadfast mode of retribution! As Ariel Lawhon stated to me, perhaps Stella is a reminder that "...we should never underestimate anyone. Everyone keeps secrets." Stella turns the role of wife on its ear by proving that she can play the "boys game" just as well or even better than they can. She organizes her own "crime syndicate" to accomplish the unthinkable. Males may think they are controlling their women, but not always...even way back then!  :) Maria is portrayed as the "model"/"perfect" wife to Jude, however, her own well-intentioned meddling into his affairs proves to be very dangerous for both of them. I rather disapprove of Ritzi's abandonment of her wifely role and then reappearing out of the blue, pregnant with another man's child, and expecting to be accepted and welcomed back by her husband. Really? I realize it's possible, but I doubt I could be that forgiving. Frankly, after three years, I'm relatively certain I would have filed for divorce based upon abandonment and developed a new life. In my opinion, she is VERY lucky, in so many ways. 

2) In what way does this woman define "wife"--or in what way is she defined by "wife"?

Unfortunately, it seems that Stella is totally defined by her role as wife. She is intimidated by Joe to "behave" and do as she is told, unless she face his wrath. I felt Joe's capacity to dole out abuse in any form was never far below the surface in their relationship. It seemed that as long as she followed his dictates and "kept up appearances," just as her mother desired her to do, she would be left relatively unscathed by him or his cronies. However, as did Catherine in A Reliable Wife, Stella actually uses her role as the ever-dutiful wife to reap retribution upon her husband. As noted above in my favorite quote from this book, the hierarchy seems to hold with the other criminals in Joe's world--the maid can be threatened, coerced, and used, as is the mistress, of course, but the wife is relatively untouched by such measures, except from her own husband! Now that's some irony, is it not?!? Speaking of irony, although Ritzi appears to be the one of these three women the least disposed to becoming a mother, and pregnant by someone other than her own husband, is the only one to live to bear a child.

Don't forget to check out the others' reviews:

Emily of The Bookshelf of Emily J

Emily is a Ph.D. student studying professional communication who has worked as an editor and a composition instructor. She is the mother of two little girls and loves chocolate and ice cream. The thing she wants most right now is a day in bed with a good book, preferably fiction.

Find her on Facebook




Ariel of One Little Library

Ariel is an editorial assistant at a Southern California publishing house. A literature enthusiast, she likes heroines full of gumption and conflicts fraught with ethical dilemmas. Her favorite book is and always will be Jane Eyre.

Find her on Twitter and Facebook

Audra of Unabridged Chick

Audra is a 30-something married lesbian with a thing for literary fiction and historical novels, classic noir, and vintage favorites. She lives in Boston with her wife and works for a non-profit. She loves interesting heroines, gorgeous prose, place as character, and the occasional werewolf.

Find her on Twitter and Facebook




Carolyn of Rosemary and Reading Glasses

After five years in graduate school, Carolyn O is on hiatus to be the read-at-home-parent to her small son. She works as an editor, writer, and proofreader on the side, and hopes to return to teaching soon. She loves used bookstores, early modern drama and poetry, feminism, and anything Joss Whedon creates.

Find her on Twitter

Cecilia of Only You

Cecilia teaches writing and self-presentation skills to international professionals by day and night (the curse of time zone differences) and in between squeezes in some reading and writing of her own. Her reading tastes are pretty eclectic, though she loves literary fiction and memoir most of all, and works by women and international writers in particular. The best part of her day is the end-of-the-day book club that she shares with her 9-year-old son.

Find her on Twitter and Facebook

And the newest addition, Kay of whatmeread

Kay is a long-time professional technical writer who has taught composition and technical-writing courses at the college level. She loves reading all kinds of books. When she recently got an iPad and spent some hours playing games, her husband thought she'd undergone a personality change. But soon she was back to reading. She is the secret author of three (sadly unpublished) trashy romance novels.

Welcome, Kay!!




The February 1, 2014 book is                                                                 
The Inquisitor's Wife: A Novel of Renaissance Spain
by Jeanne Kalogridis

Please plan to join us!

Literary Wives #5: Ahab's Wife or, The Star-Gazer by Sena Jeter Naslund

• Ahab's Wife or, The Star-Gazer
• Sena Jeter Naslund
• ISBN-13: 9780060838744
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
• Publication date: August 2, 2005

This book was so much more than I expected! I was rather pleasantly surprised. I truly enjoyed the spiritual/philosophical discussions and exploration amongst the various characters, as well as the historical information. The writing style seemed to be different within the last 150-200 pages than the earlier portion of the book, though I enjoy epistolary writing, it was a bit disruptive and I felt that as a reader I had to adjust to this change. Likewise throughout the book I found myself needing to purposefully track characters and their inter-relationships; the flow seemed a bit disjointed at times.For me, there was much ironic symbolism in this book: with names (Judge Lord oversees all Ahab and Una's investments, and Liberty, bestowed upon two different children who died young, and one infant still living by book's end), shapes and objects (rather phallic lighthouse and Frannie licking it), and I'm sure many more that I missed! Other issues addressed in this book that I'll not discuss in detail here: cannibalism and the residual guilt of "living" in the aftermath; freedom of choice in many different aspects, choice of partners, of spiritual/religious beliefs, "lifestyle," vocation/career, and ultimately, of "family," or perhaps more accurately of friends who end up being "family you choose"; the "social construct" of madness/insanity--could such eccentric behaviors be acceptable elsewhere as was implied?

Una was my kind of woman in many ways, or perhaps the kind of woman I would like to be... I've often stated that if not for my grandmother actually serving as my main caregiver, I would probably have been a runaway by age 16, had I been forced to live with only my mother. As with Una's father, Ulysses, my mother was very rigid regarding religious beliefs, disregarding any virtues such as kindness, generosity, or respect. Her main parental goals? Fairly simple: to control and manipulate. However, unlike Ulysses, she was rarely physically abusive. Kudos to Una's mother for doing something to stop the abuse being heaped upon her daughter. Though I cannot imagine willingly relinquishing my own daily parental rights to simply  accommodate an abusive man whom I happened to have married, and then remaining loyal to him! But at least she was proactive enough to protect Una, though in my opinion sacrificing so very much--credit given...

What an exciting gut-wrenching opening to this book! Immediately we are made aware of Una's beliefs regarding slavery (echoing her mother's); she helps a runaway slave escape. Susan managed to sneak into her cabin, and stayed to help Una through the labor, birth, and, unfortunately, the death of her first child, Liberty. Disappointingly, Una later learns Susan eventually returned to the deep South to reunite with her mother, hoping to lead her out of slavery, but being pregnant and learning of her mother's foot being cut off due to her own attempted escape, she is branded by her owner (directly on her cheek!) and remanded back into slavery... Susan's story reminded me of the prisoners who have related their inability to deal with "freedom" once released, and many again commit crimes simply because they seek the reassurance, routine, and "comfort" of prison life. I believe this is very much due to lack of resources once released: financial, vocational, and interpersonal, much as with Susan... Though Una very generously supplied her with money, she used it to bribe a bounty hunter who in return did not capture her.

I did chuckle a bit as Una related her appreciation of the fact that Ahab's experience with women of the tropical islands had taught him "to touch the magic places on [her] body." However, she was assured Ahab "went to the island women no longer, saying it was not right for a Captain." Uhm...no mention that it might not be in accordance with a monogamous marriage for him to continue other sexual relationships? Hmmm...

This brings us to one of my issues with the concept of "marriage" as presented in this book. Perhaps it is just an accurate reflection of the times, but it seems that anyone could virtually say they were married, and they were! In today's society, you must at least "sign papers" to prove you're "married"! My personal belief is that any two people (male-male, male-female, female-female) should be able to cohabit (or not), but claim and live in a monogamous relationship if they so choose with no implications regarding civil laws (e.g. taxes, benefits). I have always believed marriage to be a "religious" concept interjected into civil law, and I fail to understand why. I especially fail to understand why we retain it. Wouldn't it be much simpler and fairer to all to hold each person responsible for themselves once of "legal" age? Why is it anyone else's business whether any one of us is involved in a relationship? It should be a private matter totally removed from the public realm, unless we choose to share such information with others. I can only imagine how much more peaceful our society might be by eliminating so many battles over "legal rights" of people who choose to be in relationships: same-sex relationships/marriages, divorce, etc. If each adult was treated the same and only as a single entity, so much the better, in my opinion! Relationships would require NO legal paperwork/validation.  

And now (for me, at least) the overarching theme of this epic work: spirituality. The definition I assign this word is "of or relating to a person's spirit" (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, m-w.com); my preference is to assign NO religious connotation to this word. I am deeply spiritual, but organized religion or belief in a deity of any sort no longer holds any attraction for me. My spiritual beliefs are very practical and pragmatic--easily demonstrated in my daily interactions with others and my attitude and behaviors. I believe every human being's intention, thought, and action enters the Universal flow and makes its own contribution to the positive (or negative) energy that encompasses us all. Each bit of energy we contribute then influences others in either a positive or negative way. I believe this is fairly close to the interpretation Ms. Jaslund depicts in this book overall.
Una and her mother Bertha discuss religion and God (in the Christian/Biblical sense)...
     Una: "It might be quite a different thing about God."
     Bertha: "If it makes you happy, believe it."
     Una: "But I want to know the truth."
     Bertha: "The truth about the unseen makes little difference to me."
     Una: "It would make a difference to me. But I do not believe that a man was God."
     Bertha: "Perhaps we each adopt or create our truth." 
Bingo! [Picture me ringing a very large bell! :)] That is exactly what I believe; we humans have created our own understanding of our world as we know it, hence, the large variation and diversity of "religious"/spiritual belief systems around the world and throughout our history on this planet. Una's Aunt Agatha contends we each should believe what we will. Una attends both the Universalist and Unitarian churches and compares these two belief systems, preferring the latter. Jaslund also interjects Margaret Fuller's feminism and transcendentalism, but once Una moves to 'Sconset her spiritual beliefs seem to culminate in the stars and universality of the human experience. Jaslund also interjects scientific knowledge and process through the Mitchell family, particularly Maria who was an astronomer herself who embroidered the message "We are kin to the stars" on baby Justice's dress. Finally Una believes that the fact that she is alive and can see the stars' (to my mind the Universe's) glory is her purpose. "'Little scrap, little morsel,' the stars sing to me, 'we are the same.'" Rather ironically, I just heard on a TED talk last week, a scientist claim that some scientists have discovered humans and stars have developed from the same materials/energy. And among the findings of the high-energy physics colliders (CERN, Fermilab, etc.) is that there truly are no static "particles" as we delve into the ever smaller bits of energy, but rather this energy appears to be in a constant state of flux, alternately taking the shape of two different forms, but NOT remaining in one form or another. So...our world is literally constructed of nothing more or less than ever-changing energy; so what, if anything, is truly "permanent" in the world in which we find ourselves?

As Kit says to Una, "That's the way it is in life. You let go of what is beautiful and unique. You pursue something new and don't even know that the wind of your own running is a thief." Much to ponder...

Now for the "wifely" questions!

1) What does this book say about wives or about the experience of being a wife?

As stated above in my review, it appeared to be quite easy to become a wife with little to no legal process involved. With life expectancy so limited compared to the present-day, it was not uncommon for spouses to die and another to take their place very quickly: Mr. Hussey, the tavern owner, had at least three wives; the Gaoler had at least three women as partners, though Frannie (the second one), Una's cousin, refused to "marry" him while she cohabited with him and his children and bore a child with him. In effect, it seemed as if a woman could be a wife in a variety of ways, and she could basically choose how she played that role, based upon her husband's needs/guidelines, however. For example, any wife of Mr. Hussey's MUST cook chowder and tend to the tavern. The relationships appeared to be based upon geographic availability moreso than choice in my opinion, which makes sense given the lack of transportation and portability in the mid-nineteenth century. Being a wife appeared to involve doing for your husband and being what your husband expected. However, Frannie seemed to defy these traditional roles. Una was the traditional wife to both Kit and Ahab, but it seems as if she may be more independent with her relationship with Ishmael at the end of the book.     

2) In what way does this woman define "wife"--or in what way is she defined by "wife"?

Upon meeting the Judge, "You must take tea with me, Mrs. Captain." This connected directly with Anne Morrow Lindbergh's claim that any wife would only be known by her association with her husband: "Mrs. Doctor," "Mrs. Lawyer," etc. I believe Una was defined by her role of wife to Kit, though it seemed she was truly dedicated to him simply as a result of her love and compassion for him. Everyone else certainly referred to her as his wife. I believe that many times, society identifies a person within a role and that person feels they must live up to society's expectations of them. I believe Una certainly tried to do this to the best of her ability with Kit, however, he was unable to play the role of a sane person, and therefore, was rejected by the society. I loved Jaslund's interjection of an indigenous culture where "madness" was accepted and not classified as aberrant behavior to be controlled. I vaguely remembered that from an Anthropology course years ago. In her role as Ahab's wife I felt she was a bit more independent, however, she had the advantages of financial independence and the fact that her husband was gone more than he was home with her. I believe her relationship with Ishmael was much different in this regard and much more independent, at least that was my impression. 

Don't forget to check out the others' reviews:

Ariel of One Little Library

Audra of Unabridged Chick

Carolyn O of Rosemary and Reading Glasses

Emily of The Bookshelf of Emily J.

Cecilia of Only You

The sixth Literary Wives read is The Wife, the Maid, and the Mistress by Ariel Lawhorn, for December 1.