If you could ask for anything...

All You Could Ask For by Mike Greenberg

I love this book on so many levels! Until I started researching for this blog post, I was unaware that 100% of all profits from this book were being donated to The V Foundation for Cancer Research. I don't know about you, but I am always more than happy to pay for something when I know the money will work for those who need it, in whatever way. Though I never watch TV or Sports, I am impressed with Greenberg's motivation to write this book, as well as his willingness to donate the proceeds to a good cause. Knowing that he had a real-life close friend who died at a young age from cancer as inspiration also makes this read more poignant and meaningful. Here is his announcement. I don't know that I would have ever purposefully looked for this book if I hadn't responded to the hype about Greenberg's newest release, My Father's Wives, and read and reviewed it as part of the Literary Wives Online Book Discussion group. (It was my interest that spurred us to select it as our June 2015 read.) 

Having met Jane Green this past spring, and being fairly certain we have similar reading preferences, I heartily agree with her sentiments regarding Mike Greenberg's writing: 

  Mike is as clever, astute, and perceptive as he is brilliant. He has beautifully pulled off the three female voices in this novel...with tremendous wisdom and insight. 

I love the way Greenberg allows the reader to get to know each of these three women so very well before we learn how they become connected and provide such valuable social support for each other! Though you might imagine this could be a depressing read given the fact that people are enduring cancer, I did not find it so. In fact, I found it wonderfully uplifting in many ways. Firstly, it demonstrates that although you may feel "alone" in your daily face-to-face personal life, technology affords the ability to create and maintain social connections. Secondly, there are many varied perspectives, reactions, and treatment regimens that work for different individuals diagnosed with cancer. Thirdly, learn to advocate for your own comfort level and research all possible options before committing to any treatment plan, whether for cancer or any other diagnosis. If the first medical professional doesn't provide options, get a second opinion, and/or go online and do research by connecting with others who can educate you and broaden your horizons and understanding.

Brooke is the woman who is giving her husband naked pictures of herself for his 40th birthday. Good for her! I don't believe I could have ever done that! :) And I guess men are appreciative of such things, but for me personally, I guess it's enough that he gets naked for me when it counts! ;) The process by which she considered various locations in her home as possible settings for these risque photos was humorous, as she finally decided she was uncomfortable with any of them! As Brooke says:

  ...we both know who wears the pants in our house: My husband does. But there is equally little doubt which of us really has the power. (18)

As Brooke prepares for her second wedding/renewal of wedding vows with her husband in honor of his fortieth birthday,

  This is the very best day of my entire life. (116)

Oh, and the betrayal that Samantha must endure at the hands of her new husband! Although ultimately, I would be grateful to have learned of such deceit within only two days rather than after the 20 years of my own marriage! But we don't get to choose.)

  [Robert] has an amazing ability to be sensible and romantic in the same conversation. I'd never met a man who could be either one of those, much less both. How could I not marry him? (9)

Ah, but a politician is all about charisma and charm! And he is a newly elected Lieutenant Governor! 

...I think the only person I've never felt sorry for in my whole life is me. 

  Why would I? I was born with every advantage imaginable. (23)

But as we see with each of these three women, that doesn't mean your life will necessarily be without many challenges, just as it is for others... Samantha has remained in Hawaii following her honeymoon debaucle, training for an upcoming race competition, returning to the 'extreme' athletic regimen from the past. Upon completion of packing her belongings the day prior to the race, wondering where her life will go from here, her father surprises her by showing up at her hotel room,

  "You didn't think I was going to let you do this thing all by yourself, did you?"

  I put my face directly in the center of his chest and let him hold me, which he did, tightly....Very few things in life are perfect. This was close enough. In a way, this was the best moment in my entire life. (118) 
She had received very little emotional support from her father in the past, so this was a breakthrough for their relationship. 

  

Speaking of betrayal, we now go to the third of this trio, Katherine. Who was also betrayed by her ex-husband, Phillip, for whom she still works! Yes, you read that correctly! Unbelievable... Katherine has a mantra she recites while breathing in a controlled pattern to calm her mind and 'be in the now':

  May I be filled with loving-kindness

  May I be well

  May I be peaceful and at ease

  May I be happy

I may have to adopt that! However, it seems Katherine could use a bit of positivism:

  They say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

  Well, how fucking stupid are they?

  That expression, or the sentiment behind it, is one of those things we've made up to make ourselves feel better. (24)

Rather cynical? Perhaps. Though it may contain some uncomfortable truth. 

On being single, Katherine muses:

  I wouldn't say I'm looking for a man. 

  I wouldn't let you say I am, either. (52)

  What I do not accept is the antiquated notion that somehow I am less of a woman--or less of a person--because I do not have a man in my life. It is not as though I have never been with a man. I have been with more than my share, both before and after Phillip, and aside from the time I Maced one who wanted to marry me there have been very few catastrophes. (53)

Hah! Really? Oh, the description of that event was hysterical. I was definitely laughing out loud and doing so again now as I reread it! 

An anonymous text arrives on Katherine's assistant, Marie's, phone:

  Phil's marriage broke up, he moved out, rumor is SHE was cheating on HIM! 

...I knew it was true. Phillip's marriage was over. She was cheating on him. And, obviously, everybody knew it. In its own way, that's every bit as bad as having to give a horse a hand job. (119)

OMG! Now that's a visual I might not have needed! :)

  So let's see: Phillip left me for Holly nineteen years ago and married her less than a year after that, so for eighteen years I have waited for these words. I have dreamt of them, fantasized about them, prayed for them, written them in ink, chanted them in meditation, spoken them aloud daily, and now they were staring me in the face...and the way they made me feel was a revelation more powerful than I have ever had in a church or a conference room or the front row of a concert. 

  They made me sad. 

  There was no joy, no euphoria, no in your face. I had not won anything. (119-120)

Yes, wishing bad things upon others is never a good thing, and in the end, does it really net you anything if it happens? No...just a revelation that it was never about you, as happens for Katherine.

After being fixed up on a blind date with a man looking to be many years her senior on the evening of her fortieth birthday, Katherine decides to take a much needed vacation, dragging her ever-faithful assistant, Marie, with her. She travels to Colorado where she meets Stephen and Florence, who change her life, much for the better. 

...The horizon was limitless, just like my life, filled with endless possibilities. And that, I realized, is the answer to the question, the one about what makes life worth living. It's about all the wonderful things that might happen, if only we'd let them. And I knew, right then and there, that someday I would look back and say that this was the best day of my entire life. (124)

At the end of Part I all three women profess to be at the perfect point of their lives. However, Part II begins with Samantha's initial posting on BreastCancerForum.org. 

  I think I should tell you who I am, because it's important to me that you know that I'm not just a cancer patient. I hope no one takes that the wrong way. I know you're all cancer patients, too, and I don't want to minimize that, I really don't, but that's not who I am, just as I assume it's not who you are. I assume you're all somebody just like me, somebody's daughter, somebody's sister, maybe somebody's wife. (127)

I felt she was trying to avoid being identified as solely a "cancer patient." I could relate to wanting to retain your own identity, though I have known people who become a walking talking billboard for cancer once they're diagnosed, so I guess each patient has a different coping strategy for a cancer diagnosis, as with anything else. 

Brooke spends the night following her lumpectomy musing on BreastCancerForum.org,

  Tomorrow I go back. Tonight I have a babysitter downstairs with the kids. I called and asked her to spend the night, told her I think I have the flu. I wish I did. I never thought I'd wish that, but right now the flu sounds so good, so normal. I feel so far away form normal. I have no idea when I can expect to feel normal again. I want so badly to feel normal. I've never wanted anything more. I want yesterday, and most of today.

  Can anyone here tell me how to get that? (142)

Her husband is out of town on business that night and she didn't feel she could cope with caring for her children without going into hysterics. I could understand that feeling of helplessness and grief for what may be a very much shortened future with her family.

Katherine's confessional post to BreastCancerForum.org:
  In the dog-eat-dog world in which I've lived my whole life, I have never allowed myself either of two things that I now regret. The first is weakness. I have never allowed myself any weakness at all. I have always felt that showing any sign of vulnerability would destroy me completely, and as a result I have lived in a rather solitary world. The other is that I've never allowed myself to get over the one man who broke my heart. Perhaps the two are related. Perhaps allowing myself to get past him would have opened the door to a new man, a real relationship, and you can't have one of those without allowing yourself to be vulnerable...
(163-164)

Perhaps what I most admire about all three of these women is their self-awareness through their experiences. I believe this book would be a fantastic read for anyone, but especially those facing an illness, and deciding what to do in the aftermath of a diagnosis. Among these three, very different treatments were selected: a double mastectomy, a lumpectomy with no follow-up, and an all-out treatment via traditional western medical protocol. Do these types of books interest you? 

Literary Wives #15

My Father's Wives 

by Mike Greenberg

Admittedly, I know nothing about this author. We never watch TV--purposefully! And if I did, I would never watch sports! So I have no preconceived notions or expectations going into this book. Though the premise does sound interesting and I feel it could go anywhere.

I enjoyed this book! Granted, I could personally relate to several aspects of this story, and that always seems to increase my enjoyment! There was much humor, subtle and otherwise! One of the opening scenes was amazingly similar to Jonathan Tropper's This Is Where I Leave You, though in its own way, it was unique to Jonathan's story. I was left with much to ponder since the ending was not all nicely and neatly wrapped up, leaving some room for interpretation and speculation! The initial opening scene was quite humorous, John listing the three times he had been "struck by lightning" by various females, and the one time he was not... 
     Her face was so close to mine our noses touched, and I could smell the 
  apples and cinnamon on her lips, feel the warmth of her breath. It was the 
  closest I have ever been to anyone, in every way. It didn't feel like lightning 
  at all--just the opposite. Lightning is loud and scary; Claire made me feel 
  quiet and safe. (26)
Awwww...how sweet! I have read of male characters depicted as just knowing they will marry someone after their initial meeting, as Jonathan does.  This seems a bit too impetuous to me. I certainly never felt that way upon meeting someone. Girls, could you weigh in on this? Any of you felt that way? 

I can definitely relate to discovery of your spouse's infidelity and the emptiness, bewilderment, and abandonment you may feel as you try to incorporate this new reality into your most intimate of relationships, particularly if you have children. Yeah, I remember...and I applaud Jon for proceeding with his daily life, though he was naturally a bit distracted--I was totally unnerved--it took quite a while for me to fully incorporate this knowledge and get back to my routine. I could understand how the mind might latch onto some seemingly nonsensical thought about the fancy Frette sheets in the wake of what he saw through the keyhole. I believe that is a defense mechanism of the mind, incorporating such shattering knowledge a bit at a time...

I loved the way Jonathan actually missed his children so much! I cannot imagine missing out on time spent with them when they're young. He seemed to be a very kind, caring, hands-on father to both Andrew (age 6) and Phoebe (age 9) even though he was obviously a successful Wall Street executive. That made me like him even more. Speaking with them on the phone actually made him miss them more than not, so he would simply speak to their photographs in his office! Awwww... 

I loved how Claire used the fact that she was married to finally assert herself with her parents and decline their skiing invitation, 
     "I hate skiing!" Claire said...
     "You're kidding," I said. "I hate it too! I thought you loved it!"
     "Never! My parents have been making me ski since I was six; I've hated 
  every day of it. It's freezing cold, the lift lines are endless, and the food in the 
  lodge is disgusting, even the hot chocolate. I just never had the heart to tell 
  my parents because it makes them so happy. But come on, I'm a married 
  woman now." (37)
As Jonathan realizes in remembering this scene, Claire lied to her parents rather skillfully... Though he continues,
     I think every couple has that perfect moment, when both people realize   
  they really are right for each other and all the assumptions they had to make 
  along the way have been verified. Little doubts melt away, and for the first 
  time they both know for sure they really are going to be all right after the 
  euphoria of the engagement and the buzz of the parties and the whirlwind of 
  the wedding an the sporadic arrival of fancy dishes; when life becomes just 
  life again, they really are going to love each other after all. (37)
Although I never had a formal wedding or any of the other hoopla--just threw a party for the families the first time, and quietly signed papers at the courthouse the second time--I could relate to this feeling of solidarity with your partner, kinda you and him/her against the world. :)

Another aspect of this book to which I could closely relate was not really knowing your own father. I have never met my biological father and it is too late since he died almost 20 years ago, so I could easily relate to wanting to know more about this person, but especially given the fact that his father was so famous and powerful, and obviously NOT someone for whom a relationship would necessarily last a lifetime! I thought the perspectives of Jonathan's stepmothers were quite interesting, to learn that basically this man went from one partner to another based upon what he thought he needed at that time in his life, with evidently no thought of their feelings, only his own...though that could fit with the stereotypical politician's reputation? 

It was remarkable to note Percival's real feelings of inadequacy and fears...of dying...of being alone, etc. Perhaps that is one of the biggest differences between these two men, the father had a blustery public persona which hid deep personal "problems"/issues while Jonathan was very confident and driven but was a much more settled and psychologically balanced person in his relationships. 

Now for the wifely questions:

1) What does this book say about wives or about the experience of being a wife?
    
Being a wife to Jonathan's father, Percival the third (How pretentious is that name?), was obviously to be swept off your feet by someone with so much charisma and charm as to make you believe he really did care about you, though as several (perhaps all?) of his ex-wives noted, he truly did not care about anyone but himself in the end. And, perhaps it was to hopefully fulfill Percival's perceived need at that particular time. However, he did profess to each of them his love for Alice, Jon's mother, so perhaps somewhere down deep he did have a sense of loyalty, but he certainly didn't show it... As for Claire, I truly believe she was innocent and that it wasn't her Jon spied through the keyhole after all, and I believe he was quite secure in this interpretation of the events of the recent past. It all seemed to fit. Claire ran everything for her family, she was the glue that held it all together, but she was also very kind, caring, loving, and seemingly sincere. I believe each of Percival's wives had to be their own independent person so they could not just survive, but thrive, in the wake of his abandonment. Whereas, Jon and Claire seem to work at staying together and making a successful long-term relationship. So this book appeared to be more about how a man selects a wife than about how a woman carries out her role as wife, though we meet many women who discuss their role as wife...

2) In what way does this woman define "wife"--or in what way is she defined 
    by wife? 

I think all of Percival's wives were sincere in their role as his wife, though perhaps overly-impressed by his power and status, but they were mostly independent self-sufficient females who also made lives for themselves after their marriage to him. (Of course, the money helped make them financially secure if they weren't already...) Each of them seemed to be very unique from the others, definitely not a matter of him having always selected the same type of person to marry. It seems that wives of more successful men (at least in a financial sense) are perhaps more defined by their role as "the wife of..." whomever, than those whose husbands have less financial resources, unless the wives are successful in their own right. To me, Claire fit the stereotype of being "the wife of..." Jon, and it seemed to work for both of them, and their children. 

Have you read this one yet? What did you think? I have a copy of his other book, All You Could Ask For, and I hope to read it sometime soon...

Please check out the reviews of the other co-hosting bloggers:

Emily of The Bookshelf of Emily J
Naomi of Consumed by Ink
Kay of whatmeread

Join us for our next Literary Wives review of 
The Astronaut Wives Club by Lily Koppel 
on Monday, August 3rd. 

I am really looking forward to reading this one. 

And...we will have an interview with the author posted along with the reviews! (I'm double-excited now!) :)