Literary Wives #11

Wife 22 by Melanie Gideon

I was very uncertain what to expect of this book. Honestly, I was a bit hesitant, thinking it might be about a woman getting herself involved with a stranger online who might then stalk her, harm her, kidnap her, whatever...

I was pleasantly surprised by Gideon's book, however. I believe she did a great job of depicting age-old issues with the added aspects of modern technologies, specifically social media. My one challenge was reading the sections of Facebook chats--I swear I had to keep rereading throughout these sections to determine who was speaking. For some reason it wasn't easy for me to track the speaker, though I now believe that was due more to the obtuse responses between Researcher 101 and Alice than anything else. I would recommend this book, especially for readers somewhat younger than my 58 years! Though I found much to connect with. I am a bit late in posting my review today, since I typically post first thing in the morning, but purposefully have not yet read my co-hosts' reviews: 

Emily of The Bookshelf of Emily J
Ariel of One Little Library
Carolyn of Rosemary and Reading Glasses
Cecilia of Only You
Kay of whatmeread

Audra of Unabridged Chick is currently on hiatus!

And join us on Facebook! 
Post your review there or on any/all of our blogs!

Obviously, this book has much to say about marriage and the role of wife, but those comments will be addressed while answering our two "wife" questions below... The one aspect of marriage relationships that I felt Gideon described and depicted so accurately was the tendency (not for all, but I feel typically for the majority) of couples to "drift apart" over the years, particularly once you've become mired down in raising children for 10+ years. I believe most couples should make time for themselves/each other throughout their marriages, or it is inevitable that they will grow apart and feel as if they no longer have anything in common, etc. I firmly believe in routine "date nights" for parents to have some alone time and a change of scenery to help avoid such a pitfall later as the children are nearing the time when they literally and figuratively will "leave the nest." 

Alice's mother died when she was only 15 years old and in many ways she feels bereft as a result, but particularly this year, her 45th. Her mother was only 45 when she died, so this marks a true milestone for Alice. The Mumble Bumbles (her mutually supportive group of adult females who also lost their mothers when young) are well aware she will likely need to overcome major emotional hurdles this year due to that historic connection. There were times throughout this book when I felt the idea of a mother-daughter relationship was (for me, at least) quite romanticized and idealized. "...never would we experience that kind of unconditional, nothing-you-can-do-will-turn-me-away-from-you kind of mother love." Uh...hellooooo! Just because others have living biological mothers, that does not automatically ensure such unconditional positive regard given by those mothers to their daughters. In point of fact, it can be quite the opposite! Not all mothers are kind and caring, to say the least. But I digress... :)

I admit I was quite upset that Alice did not follow through with her legal responsibility as an educator to simply turn the marijuana over to the authorities and make that family deal with their own behaviors. I wonder if she would have given them a "pass" if this mother hadn't been the PTA President with such a major decision-making role in the drama teacher's position. I was rather glad that Alice suffered a backlash from what she saw as her kind act toward this woman. Her decision was quite irresponsible, in my opinion...and as a displaced teacher myself, that made me rather angry.

I particularly appreciated the references to and depiction of the value of "unburdening" (p. 51) oneself to a nonjudgmental impartial objective confidante--a therapist. I firmly believe each of us would benefit greatly from such therapeutic interactions. I know I could never have survived (and thrived!) throughout much of my adult life without just such an outlet. My current therapist, "Super Tim," is the best match I have had to date for such "unburdening." I could definitely relate when Alice stated "answering the questions calms me down...There's almost a meditative aspect to it." (p. 51). I wholeheartedly agree! Additionally, it helps me resolve my frustrations without overburdening my husband, because after all, realistically (or IRL!) there is only so much "therapy"/counseling we should expect from our partners, as this can place much unnecessary strain and stress upon the relationship overall. 

Though my own mother did not die until just a couple of years ago, I could relate to Alice's persistent feeling of disconnectedness or inability to think clearly throughout these months. I felt Gideon was quite accurate in her descriptions of Alice as almost unwell during this time period. There have been times when my personal life and relationships have similarly disoriented me, making it a challenge to remain connected and fully functional in life's daily routine. Such times can seem as if you are living through an "otherworldly" experience...

Ah, and parenting. Alice's worries and concerns about her children brought all that back to me from raising my three children. And to add the technological immediacy of social media just compounds the need to truly connect and communicate with your children. Admittedly, I wonder how my children and their partners will manage to deal with what I believe to be all this added parental stress, but I'm sure they'll do it very well...

Now for our two Literary Wives questions:

1) What does this book say about wives or about the experience of being a wife?

Firstly, I admit I really didn't "like" William. He appeared to me to be quite an arrogant, demanding male, particularly in the very beginning of their relationship. In my opinion, Alice allowed nothing more or less than herself to be manipulated by him. However, by the end of the book I felt as if William did truly care about Alice and their marriage, and was willing to do whatever it took to "find" her and bring her back, just as he had promised years before. Perhaps for me, this book depicted how a "wife" is typically so much more than that; also a confidante for her husband/wife and children, much of the time an overseer and manager of the family, and/or the major financial provider. I believe that for many wives the "role," especially if it requires managing the bulk of the responsibility for a marriage/partnership and particularly includes children, can become quite repetitive, dull, and boring, with seemingly no "way out" or enjoyment on her own terms. Hence my recommendation of regular outings for the parents sans children! Also a good idea for each parent to have time to themselves!

2) In what way does this woman define "wife"--or in what way is she defined by "wife"?

This is tougher for me to answer. In many ways I felt as if Alice had become an independent person and wasn't allowing herself to be manipulated by William as much, however, he did basically manipulate her by not admitting to her how he had lost his job. (I asked myself, shouldn't he have divulged this information to her, as his wife? Or not? Must we admit each and every little foible to our mate?) I respected and admired Alice for having the gumption and respect to never allow William to know the depth of her knowledge of his job displacement. She was loyal to him, though Researcher 101 challenged that. However, I felt the main attraction another man held for her was the fact he listened and it would be a change, something/someone different, and she felt as if that could only be a good thing. Though ultimately I believe in her heart she realized she didn't really want to sacrifice her marriage to find out how it might be with 101... I believe Alice defined "wife" by proving that she could deal with multiple familial frustrations and worries while handling her own personal crises. But she was also defined by her role as wife...and mother. I liked Alice and could relate to her on many different levels.

How would you answer these questions about Alice? What did you think of this book?

Be sure to join us on December 1st 

for our reviews of 

The Shoemaker's Wife 

by Adriana Trigiani. 

I have owned this book for quite awhile. 

I believe it is the first in a trilogy. 

I'm very excited to read it!

Literary Wives #9

         The Crane Wife by Patrick Ness

I wish to begin by thanking Penguin Press for sending each of the Literary Wives co-hosting bloggers a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. It is always nice to have such cooperation from the publisher!

Check out the other bloggers' reviews as well: 

Emily of The Bookshelf of Emily J

Ariel of One Little Library

Carolyn of Rosemary and Reading Glasses

Cecilia of Only You

Kay of whatmeread

And join us on Facebook!

I was so totally enthralled throughout the first 25 pages; Ness's use of language can be so lyrical and I literally felt as if I was George...standing in his frozen garden...inspecting a crane...up close and personal! A couple of my favorite passages:

      But if it wasn't a dream, it was one of those special corners of what's real, one of those 

      moments, only a handful of which he could recall throughout his lifetime, where the 

      world dwindled down to almost no one, where it seemed to pause just for him, so that 

      he could, for a moment, be seized into life. (11)

      But this, this moment here, this moment was like those, and more so. The gravely injured 

      bird and him in a frozen back garden that could have been the borders of the known 

      universe for all he knew. It was in places like this that eternity happened. (12)

I physically slumped a bit in my chair as I read this:

    ...the crane leaned back its neck, its head

   reaching to the sky, and it opened its beak   

   to call.

   But it didn't call. It gaped silently at 

   the moon, as if breathing it out.

   The crane's full weight suddenly pressed 

   against the man's chest. That long neck 

   fell forward like a ballerina's arm accepting 

   applause, and it wrapped around him, its 

   head hanging down his back, as if 

   embracing him. Only the heaving of its 

   narrow breast told the man that the bird was still alive, that in its exhaustion it had given itself 

   into his keeping, that it would hand over its life to the man if that was what was required.

   'Don't die,' the man whispered urgently. 'Please don't die.' (12-13)

I typically try not to quote such long passages in a review, but felt Ness's words so beautifully engaging to me that I just had to share!

Unfortunately, this book proved that my intuition and research before choosing a book to read is usually spot on; I would not have chosen to read this book had it not been selected for this book discussion. My main hesitation was in the fact that the author's previously published books did not hold much appeal for me, upon reading the summaries and skimming some reviews. But as I typically do, I did my very best to hold no expectations as I began to read... My attitude is always that I want my mind to be open to any and all possibilities as I read, allowing the author to take me where s/he wants me to go! Fun!!

As the book progressed beyond this first section, I was less and less enthralled. For whatever reason, the book overall just didn't resonate for me. I loved the idea, but the various sections of reading did not combine to create what I felt to be a truly cohesive whole story. I wonder if I could have read this in longer time segments (each 2+ hours long rather than many sessions of only 20-30 minutes in duration) if that might have helped alleviate the choppiness and disjointed feelings I experienced in reading the book. Perhaps... I admit to re-reading that initial section of 25 pages or so several times as I progressed through the remainder of the book, just to remind myself of my initial pleasant surprise at the beautiful language and the visceral reactions it prompted.

The protagonist, George, is obviously not what I would term as a necessarily "well-accomplished" man. He appears to be a productive and reliable business owner, though he is not assertive, allowing his shop assistant, Mehmet, to literally run the show in most situations in his own store! Even when he realized Mehmet was not offering optimal customer service, etc., rarely did George intervene. He was, what I would probably term a "gutless wonder," though at no time did I sense any malice in him toward others, and that I could very much respect. He definitely lacked self-confidence and I believe, considered himself a failure overall, though he obviously had a well-established life in many ways: a relatively good relationship with his daughter; an especially close relationship with this grandson; a steady income; but perhaps no truly "creative" outlet.

I admit to becoming a bit weary of the volcano and crane sections, they seemed very repetitive and sexual and I became bored with them. I did manage to link the seeming hopelessness of this relationship with that of George and Kumiko's relationship--as he drew closer to her he needed to "possess" more of her and know more details about her, which placed their relationship on the seemingly same doomed pathway as that of the volcano and crane. Which segues nicely into noting a main theme of this story...obsession and "possession" within relationships. For me personally, this same feeling was more a function of age and immaturity than anything. I felt this way when I was younger, in my first marriage, for at least the first 7-8 years, then I relaxed and believed that I didn't need to know where my spouse/partner was every single minute of every day, nor did I need to know what he was thinking all the time--I either trusted him or I didn't. (Although that trust proved to be misplaced, I still believe trust and mutual respect must form the foundation of any relationship for it to be effective.) In my later years, I am fortunate to have met a man with whom I have created a much more fair and equitable relationship than was my first marriage. And for me, personally, each of us is much more autonomous, which feels more respectful and less "possessive."  I am ever so grateful and appreciative to have experienced this type of intimate relationship at least once in this lifetime! 

Now to the Literary Wives questions:

1) What does this book say about wives or about the experience of being a wife?

Interestingly, we never do get to see George and Kumiko officially become "husband and wife," though in many ways they had already established that same type of intimate relationship, sans sharing the same household. In my opinion any relationship is strained to the utmost by the mere act of living together, whether romantic, platonic, whatever, the constant daily irritations and frustrations can create enough dissonance to destroy any good relationship. Unfortunately, it is virtually impossible for George to allow Kumiko the autonomy and privacy she needs to retain her "identity"/"secrets," thereby destroying their relationship. It is his "need to know" that interferes so irrevocably with them as a couple. So perhaps this actually demonstrates more the need to be a "husband" than a "wife"? Or perhaps it is demonstrating the fact that as our society/culture continues to evolve, I believe these gender-based role titles are less and less pertinent or necessary. A partner is a partner is a partner, regardless of the sex of a person. But is it wise for Kumiko to keep her true identity a secret from her partner? Is that the basis for a good marriage? Can she truly be a "wife" if she is willing to hide such information from her "husband"? I think not...

What I did find interesting in this book, was the relationship between George and his ex-wife, Clare. It is obvious she still cares for him and about him, and they seem to have a relatively friendly and effective relationship, though Clare appears to have doubts about Kumiko and her relationship with George, much as his daughter, Amanda. Though I had a distinct impression that both of them were simply expressing their own jealousy at another person commanding so much of George's time and attention. Although Clare had moved on and remarried, I'm uncertain of her willingness to grant George that same freedom. And poor Amanda was quite a mess with her own interpersonal relationships--unable to establish effective friendships, and still rather obsessed with her ex-husband, though she is the person who ended their marriage. However, Kumiko was able to place anyone "under her spell," as it were.  

2) In what way does this woman define "wife" -- or in what way is she defined by "wife"?

I don't believe Kumiko was at all defined by "wife," in fact, I was extremely confused by her acquiescence to become engaged to George, though I believe she was unaware of the implications for cohabitation, etc., as a result. I felt her inexperience with "living together" prevented her from realizing the lack of privacy, etc., that can and does result, therefore, endangering her ability to keep any secrets from George. 

As a "wife," prior to actually having the role legally, Kumiko was wonderful! She brought out the best in George in so many ways. If not for her, I doubt George would have ever accessed his inner creativity and begun the cutouts, and she and Mehmet together created such a financial windfall for him, I gathered it was enough money to keep him for many years, possibly the rest of his life. George became somewhat more assertive and definitely had more self-confidence as a result. She was a positive force in his life, and that is always a good thing, however, she also initiated an obsessive/possessive compulsion within George: he couldn't stop wondering where she lived, where she had been born and raised, where her family lived, etc. I loved the way this depicted that idea of just accepting a person for who they are and enjoying your time together, or satisfying that basic human curiosity to delve into a person's background and privacy. It is an interesting conundrum to consider. I know of several people who have been totally surprised after years in a close intimate relationship to learn of total wickedness of their partner, but would it have been possible to reveal those earlier in the relationship without seeming to be overly obsessive? I don't know...

This book raised many pertinent issues about relationships and overall I liked it, but I didn't love it... Have you read this book? Is it on your TBR list? Or do you have any comments/reactions to my review? Always interested to hear others' thoughts. Feel free to share... I can't wait to see what the others thought of this one... :)

Join us for the next Literary Wives reviews on Monday, August 4. 

We will discuss The World's Wife by Carol Ann Duffy. 

Poetry. 

I can't remember the last time I read much poetry, so this will definitely be an adventure for me! 

                   

Literary Wives Virtual Book Club--extended and expanded!

As some of you may know, I have been participating in a Virtual Book Club called Literary Wives that was founded this past spring. The purpose of this group was to read books with the word "wife" in the title, pondering the two following questions: 

1. What does this book say about wives or about the experience of being a wife?

2. In what way does this woman define "wife"--or in what way is she defined by "wife"?

Prior to the announcement of this discussion group, I had noticed many books including the word "wife" in the title. Personally, I am curious how that relates to our current society and cultures now...and in the past. What does this say about us? And what about the future? I was definitely all "in" for this experience! I love to read and then I love to discuss those same materials with others; no better way to expand my own perspectives and opinions, greatly enhancing my reading experience overall! Thus I embarked upon this adventure, reading and reviewing American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld, The Paris Wife by Paula McLain, A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick, and last, but by no means least, The Aviator's Wife by Melanie Benjamin. I finally decided to take the plunge and establish this blog after we read the first book, so need to post a review for it, as well as the last book, for which I wrote three pages of notes. It is definitely the one of these four books with which I resonated the most, and I have been digesting it over the past few days...but then Melanie Benjamin is one of my favorite writers!

This is a bit of history, so on to the news about Literary Wives--this series has been extended beyond these initial four books, with a schedule of every other month, beginning on October 1, 2013. In addition, three of the four founding bloggers will continue as co-hosts and have graciously expanded this group to include myself and two other bloggers, Carolyn and Cecilia. They are all listed below. If you wish to participate, I would encourage you to at least bookmark their blogs, or better yet, register to follow them. They have truly interesting thought-provoking posts! The plan is for all six of our reviews to be posted on our respective blogs on the scheduled date, and the hope is that many others will participate by reading the books, our reviews, and posting comments to create a discussion of each book relative to the two questions posed above, as well as any other reactions you may have to the novel. I have been thrilled with the dialogue with other readers, both to confirm my own thoughts, as well as opening me up to alternative viewpoints. This, in my opinion, is what makes reading a true learning experience! And so much fun!!!

Now to introduce the other five bloggers...  (founders listed first)

Emily of The Bookshelf of Emily J

Emily is a Ph.D. student studying professional communication who has worked as an editor and a composition instructor. She is the mother of two little girls and loves chocolate and ice cream. The thing she wants most right now is a day in bed with a good book, preferably fiction.

Find her on Facebook




Ariel of One Little Library

Ariel is an editorial assistant at a Southern California publishing house. A literature enthusiast, she likes heroines full of gumption and conflicts fraught with ethical dilemmas. Her favorite book is and always will be Jane Eyre.

Find her on Twitter and Facebook

Audra of Unabridged Chick

Audra is a 30-something married lesbian with a thing for literary fiction and historical novels, classic noir, and vintage favorites. She lives in Boston with her wife and works for a non-profit. She loves interesting heroines, gorgeous prose, place as character, and the occasional werewolf.

Find her on Twitter and Facebook




Carolyn of Rosemary and Reading Glasses

After five years in graduate school, Carolyn O is on hiatus to be the read-at-home-parent to her small son. She works as an editor, writer, and proofreader on the side, and hopes to return to teaching soon. She loves used bookstores, early modern drama and poetry, feminism, and anything Joss Whedon creates.

Find her on Twitter

Cecilia of Only You

Cecilia teaches writing and self-presentation skills to international professionals by day and night (the curse of time zone differences) and in between squeezes in some reading and writing of her own. Her reading tastes are pretty eclectic, though she loves literary fiction and memoir most of all, and works by women and international writers in particular. The best part of her day is the end-of-the-day book club that she shares with her 9-year-old son.

Find her on Twitter and Facebook


The first read for October 1 is Ahab's Wife or, the Star-Gazer by Sena Jeter Naslund. I am quite excited to read this epic tale! However, I do recommend planning for it, since it is just over 700 pages long! (That should keep me out of trouble for awhile!)

A magnificent, vast, and enthralling saga spanning a rich, eventful, and dramatic life. Inspired by a brief passage in Moby Dick, it is the story of Una, exiled as a child to live in a lighthouse, removed from the physical and emotional abuse of a religion-mad father. It is the romantic adventure of a young woman setting sail in a cabin boy's disguise to encounter darkness, wonder, and catastrophe; the story of a devoted wife who witnesses her husband's destruction by obsession and madness. Ultimately it is the powerful and moving story of a woman's triumph over tragedy and loss through her courage, creativity, and intelligence.

Grab this from your local library, favorite independent bookseller, Barnes and Noble, or whomever, and please...join us!