So many times, people are not as they appear...

Golden Boy by Abigail Tarttelin

In honor of Banned Books Week 2015: September 27-October 3, I offer my review of this very informative and masterful work! (Yes, I realize that was last week! A bit late...but just as heartfelt!) I don't feel anyone has the right to deny any of us access to reading materials. While there are certain publications I don't choose to read, we should all have the right to select from everythng published! I admit to being glad I had read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides two years ago since it had given me an introduction to some of the issues associated with 'intersex' physical features, especially medical considerations, and the extreme social isolation due to lack of acceptance for all...regardless of 'gender'/sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, SES, whatever... The Socratic Salon posted a book breakdown September 21st. (Though it looks as if there weren't many others who had read it, since there were few comments posted...) I loved this book in so many ways, but honestly, by page 50 I was wondering if I really wanted to continue reading. The initial event was so horrific to me, I was afraid the whole book would be nothing more than one such event after another, but I had nothing to fear, for it was from that initial trauma that the rest of the story played out... I like the cover image, two bicycles representing the two main genders considered 'normal'/definitive by society.

So, my husband and I were at A Music Festival the last weekend in September (as I was about 3/4 through this book) and being the extremely shy and reticent person I am (hmmmm...okay, maybe NOT!) I struck up a conversation with a couple and their two daughters in line directly ahead of me. My motivation? Mom had multiple tattoos, facial piercings, creatively multi-colored hair, and her oldest (14-year-old) daughter was READING a book!!! Right there, standing in line!! I love this girl!! She's an even harder-core book nerd than I am!! YAY!! It was Paper Towns by John Green, so she and I started discussing his books, the movie adaptation of The Fault In Our Stars as well as the book, and then to her favorite book ever, and the one she has reread most, The Diary of Anne Frank. Then her parents got in on the conversation and asked what I was reading...oh, my, was that ever an interesting conversation that transpired as I explained about Golden Boy and its various themes related to intersex, etc., and these parents were so very cool--rather than squelching any talk of such issues around their children, they openly involved them in the conversation--and that, my friends, in my humble opinion, is exactly how it should be! Why is it that so many parents are petrified to openly discuss sexuality/gender with their own children?!? Who the f&%# do you think will do that, if you don't? Besides, if you never work to get outside your own comfort zone, it's a sure bet your children won't! At least not until they're older and hopefully realize for themselves... Ah...but I digress. End of rant. (At least for now...) 

I don't know who couldn't help but love Max! I was immediately struck by his seemingly androgynous personality and emotional outlook. Max's brother Daniel (almost 10 years old) wants to be a robotic engineer with plans to create robotic parts to make humans 'perfect.'

  I told my brother what I wanted to be, and he said that it was cool but unfortunately, he wouldn't let me add extensions to him, because he wanted to be who he was and see how that played out. I said that was stupid. Who wouldn't want to be perfect? Or a robot?

  And this is why I have chosen to write my class essay about my brother. Sincerely, Daniel Alexander Walker, age nine and four-fifths. (5)
I had to chuckle at the "nine and four-fifths"! Definitely a scientist in the making, eh? :) No rough estimates for this child! 

Steve and Karen, Max and Daniel's parents, are best friends with Hunter's parents. In fact, Hunter's mom Leah and Karen are closer than Karen is to her own sister, Cheryl. Karen relies on Leah and vice versa. At one point Karen thinks to herself:
I know if anything happened to me, Leah would be there for my children, and I would be there, if anything happened to Leah, for her son, Hunter, who, like many children without siblings, can be moody and controlling. I don't share that thought with Leah obviously, because we all like to believe that our children are perfect, and personally, I wouldn't want to be disabused of that notion. (7)
Little did Karen or Leah realize what was in their future, especially regarding their children's relationships. And, being an 'only child' myself, I must take offense at the idea we're all "moody and controlling"! Hmph! ;)

And I can't remember when I have despised a character as much as I do Hunter! I was happy that he did not escape unscathed, though I did feel for his oblivious parents. (I hope he was prosecuted and successfully rehabbed.) Although the physical act was heinous, I believe it was the emotional betrayal and lack of interpersonal loyalty and, most of all, the exploitation that most hurt Max. 
...and it's just me, lying, legs apart, like a dead bug, flattened to the mattress by pain and blinking rapidly with my mouth open. Like I can't believe what just happened happened. Like I don't know where I am. Like I am in some alternate reality where there is a possibility that Hunter is a bad person, my average little bedroom is the scene of a crime, I could be quietly forced into something so abhorrent I can't even think the word in my mind and that it could all be over in five minutes. (21)
Such confusion and inability to take it all in for what it was felt very real to me. 

This is much as I pictured Max...

Max is so brave to get help for himself, without telling anyone else, not even his parents. And...that is when he meets Sylvie, and that was a blessing for him in his life! Without her would the truth have ever been revealed? I seriously doubt it. 

Another person who truly helped make Max's life better is Archie. Every doctor should be like Archie! She thinks to herself:
...medical approaches to trans, intersex and asexual people can vary greatly between jurisdictions.
  I know that our practice is ahead of most in our approach to these teenagers, but there are some areas where I know I do not know enough and we need improvement. Like most clinics, like the curriculum, like the policy makers, we are struggling to keep up with scientific advancements, and also with our patients. (46)
I venture to say that paragraph is much more than the majority of medical providers would ever think about such issues...ever! Unfortunately, most people, including the majority of healthcare professionals, only consider the possibility of two genders/sexes, when the reality is so much more diverse, with many variations between these two seemingly absolute opposites. 
  He's oddly despondent, actually. I study him carefully. Something just doesn't fit in this scene, an uncaring mood, a lack of eye contact, blankness. As I watch him avoid my eyes, shuffling in his chair uncomfortably and worriedly chewing a nail, I remember seeing him before. (55)
She had seen him at the local movie theater holding hands with and kissing a girl. If not for Archie noticing Max's nonverbal communication, she would have never caught on to the idea of this sexual act not having been consensual for him. And without her hint about this to Karen much later and Sylvie's intervention, this predator would have probably never been identifed. No one might have even believed Max had he made accusations without anyone else to support him. 

Tarttelin's prose is succinct and yet poetic at times...as Max writes...
I prefer summer to the other seasons, for the heat. You can be out all day playing football and not even have to worry about bringing a T-shirt. But autumn is loveable. It's summer's dying cousin. It's somehow vulnerable, for the world to die so publicly. You feel tender about autumn. (40)
I love this passage for the symbolism and the poignancy and emotional content that Max depicts! He is empathetic, kind, and caring. He is so very sensitive to and communicative with his little brother, Daniel! I love that about Max so much! Is 'he' a typical 16-year-old male who is the beloved football player, 'pretty boy' etc., in his school? 

Again, Max is so very courageous as to purchase a pregnancy test kit himself without involving anyone else. Unfortunately, one of the girls who sometimes deigns to speak to Sylvie is the person working at the register when he pays for it. Of course, she spreads the word that Max got a girl pregnant and everyone begins guessing who it might be. His father, Steven, is running for political office, forcing both Max and Daniel to attend many events, and Karen to worry about anyone discovering Max's secret after they've worked hard to allow Max to grow up without any more attention to the matter of his mixed genitalia than he already endured as a child for the sake of medical professionals' curiosity. 

I might envision this as a younger
Max/Maxine--many times infants and
toddlers appear very androgynous!

As a parent and grandparent I was a bit bothered by Max's parents' lack of follow-up/communication with and attention to his sexuality/gender as he matured into the teen years. I understand the reticence to do so, and it was disheartening (though not unbelievable) to learn that they disagreed on how best to handle the matter and Max's future, even as a newborn infant! Most of the doctors Karen and Steve dealt with believed they should decide upon and complete "infant genital reconfiguration surgery" on Max, making him biologically/physically a boy or girl as an infant. His father wanted nothing to do with this, allowing Max to decide as he grew and developed, especially if s/he could have children, he didn't want to deny his child that opportunity. They chose a gender-neutral name, Max/Maxine to allow for flexibility and gender choice. Though Karen disagreed to a great degree, she acquiesced to Steve's wishes and they allowed Max to develop 'naturally' with only a bit of surgery to remove some testicular tissue and some hormone therapy at age 14--the hormones altered Max's personality to a great degree and he finally refused to continue... For the past two years neither parent has evidently really talked to Max, nor has he been seeing a therapist or psychiatrist. (Wouldn't therapy just make sense?) And, unfortunately, our society basically demands that each individual be strictly classified as male OR female. I couldn't help thinking so many times as I read this book--it is difficult enough to raise children, especially throughout the teen years, but to have these additional issues would make it so much more challenging, particularly since his mother and father disagreed on how to handle the various intersex issues and, in my opinion, did not adequately follow-up or provide him/her with healthy emotional outlets. 

It was heartrending to watch Karen deal with her belief that Max has been having unprotected sex with males, and is therefore, gay. I was rather amazed at her inability to accept this. The decisions regarding medical procedures virtually drove this family apart in so many ways. And then Sylvie must digest this knowledge as well and it is...well, at the very least difficult for her, as his 'friend':
  How is this even possible? He always looked totally boyish before, but now I'm looking him over and thinking, This is a girl, and trying it on for size, and I'm noticing, yes, there are some major similarities between being seductive in a pretty-boy way and in a girl way, I knew the guys I had dated before were more...guyish, but I thought that was because they were in uni and older and more mature. Max has no facial hair at all. Didn't I think that was weird? Why didn't I? What does this say about me? 
  Well, I just thought he was blond and blond people don't have much excess hair, and he was younger than all my other boyfriends. I just thought he was sexy, supersexy, and I didn't stop to think, like I am now, that if you brushed his hair over to one side, and those amazing green eyes with their Bambi-long lashes, and those pouty lips, and that big, sweet smile, and the soft, soft, skin, and the kind of thin-ish neck and not-massive chest and delicate, long fingers and cute, round arse... (244)
Really, this isn't all that unusual. There are many 'females' who have many 'male' features, and vice-versa if you openly consider individuals prior to classifying them as strictly male/female. I have wondered about people I've met and dealt with before...but truly it is none of my business and it is immaterial to me. I evaluate/judge people based upon their personalities once I get to know them, not upon their looks, gender, etc. It really is a much easier and nicer way to approach life overall. :)

Have you read this one or Middlesex? I'm sure there are others... What are your reactions? I would heartily recommend this one! 

Literary Wives #17

The Silent Wife by A.S.A. Harrison

Check out this book review group!

I had to chuckle to myself as I posted a comment on a recent discussion at The Socratic Salon regarding separation of books and authors--how much does your knowledge about an author influence your enjoyment or reading or even selection of his/her books? It is rather obvious I do little to no 'research' prior to reading a book, since I asked the other co-hosting Literary Wives bloggers if we were going to complete and post an interview with the author of this book. Oops. She died. In 2013. Yep, not much to very little research...well, usually, NO research before reading a book. Uhm...no author interview this time either. And what a shame that she will not be publishing any other novels. This was her debut and I found it to be fascinating. It was such a psychological study on so many levels and in so many ways. 

Click here for more information on Literary Wives, including the bloggers currently on hiatus from the "club"! :)

Be sure to check out the other co-hosting bloggers' reviews: 
Emily of The Bookshelf of Emily J
Naomi of Consumed by Ink
Kay of whatmeread
We inevitably represent a variety of reactions to each read, which makes it fun! I would like to thank the publisher for a free review copy in exchange for an honest review! 

I love psychology/sociology and have a distinct appreciation of the way Harrison depicted the underlying rationale and justifications used by both Todd and Jodi as they made choices/decisions in their respective individual lives and their life together as a couple. Part of the sense of isolation I felt for Jodi was depicted by the description on page 1 of their apartment on the 27th floor with only "a vista of lake and sky." This was definitely an 'exclusive' building and my first thought was that anything could happen to anyone in this setting with no one discovering it for quite some time... Talk about sinister foreshadowing:
...she is deeply unaware that her life is now peaking, that her youthful resilience--which her twenty-year marriage to Todd Gilbert has been slowly eroding--is approaching a final stage of disintegration, that her notions about who she is and how she ought to conduct herself are far less stable then she supposes, given that a few short months are all it will take to make a killer out of her.
  If you told her this she would not believe you. Murder is barely a word in her vocabulary, a concept without meaning, the subject of stories in the news having to do with people she doesn't know and will never meet. (4)
What a courageous start to a suspenseful book! Harrison has basically summarized this whole story in these few lines...and yet, there is so much more to learn about both Jodi and Todd. My best friend and I (also named Lynn) have always said we all create our own reality, and this book is a well-constructed clear depiction of just that. Each of us use various rationalizations and theoretical foundations to create our lives, just as they have done. 

Of all the ironies, Jodi is a psychologist who is financially able to limit her practice to only two appointments per day, and she meets with them in her own apartment, therefore she is very isolated from casual, purely social interactions overall, except with Todd. She is a very routine-driven person for whom the daily schedule is all-important. However, she met Todd in a very non-routine way--they quite literally ran into each other--well, their vehicles did, and talk about 'road rage':
  You crazy bitch. what in God's name do you thing you're doing? Are you some kind of maniac? Where did you learn to drive? People like you should stay off the road. Are you going to get out of your car or are you just going to sit there like an imbecile?"
  His tirade that day in the rain did not give a favourable impression, but a man who's been in a car crash is going to be irate even if it's his own fault, which in this instance it was not, so when he called a few days later to ask her to dinner, she graciously accepted. (6)
I'm sorry, but right here, on page 6, I am (in my head) yelling loudly at her to pay attention to this red flag--this guy has an anger problem and he is, at the very least, verbally abusive in his anger. And talk about rationalization, no, not every man is going to act like this! Exactly why was it 'gracious' for her to accept his invitation? I thought it was just plain stupid. I would have avoided this guy like the plague! But...I have had experience with this type of behavior in a long-term relationship, so when I was her age, I might have done the same... (Hindsight is always 20-20, eh?) :) So for those reasons, I can somewhat understand her reaction...maybe! :)

Todd gives the impression he has money and he is quite solicitous, kind, and gentle, on that first date. Of him Jodi states
He's a man whose touch is always warm, a matter of animal significance for someone who is nearly always cold. (10)
Uhm...okay, but really, a good blanket might serve virtually the same purpose, mightn't it? This just struck me as a bit strange, she definitely seems cold and aloof...but then we learn that Jodi, as well as her younger brother Ryan, has endured trauma at the hands of Darrell, her older brother as a six-year-old, and although no details are directly written about this trauma imposed upon the two younger siblings, one can only assume the worst:
The memory had borne its burial well, had returned to her intact, untarnished, fully dimensional, part of her living history, complete with visceral analogues--tastes, smells, sensations--actual voltage....Initially, the explosion within had been all pain and alarm, but later on she learned the trick of surrender, came to understand that capitulation was her means of disengaging, her ticket out.(254)
Sounds like physical/sexual abuse at the hands of her older brother, and her only coping mechanism was to disconnect from the reality and accept it...that would definitely warp your expectations and ability to connect with others later as an adult. 

His impatience with domestic work stems from the fact that his expansive energy overshoots the scale of the tasks to be done. You can see it in the way he fills a room, looming and towering in the limited space, his voice loud, his gestures sweeping. He's a man who belongs outside or on a building site, where his magnitude makes sense. At home, he's often at his best asleep beside her, his bulk in repose and his energy dormant in a kind of comforting absence. (16)
This totally felt like making excuses for the man, rationalizing his lack of attention to domestic tasks of any kind. Although to his credit, he is ambitious and a hardworking entrepreneur who has made his own money. I felt as if these two people weren't truly connected to each other emotionally, but rather theirs was a marriage of convenience (simply routine?) more than anything else, perhaps? 

Then we learn from Jodi,
She is grateful for the stability and security of her life, has come to treasure the everyday freedoms, the absence of demands and complications. By forgoing marriage and children she has kept a clean slate, allowed for a sense of spaciousness. (17)
Wait! Wait! What?!? Yep! She's not even really married to this man! Not that I have a problem with unmarried people cohabiting, but...
There are no regrets. Her friends of course know her as Jodi Brett, but to most people she is Mrs. Gilbert. She likes the name and title; they give her a pedigree of sorts and act as an all-around shorthand, eliminating the need to correct people or make explanations, dispensing with awkward terminology like life partner and significant other. (17)
I do understand this idea of not disabusing others in their assumption that you are 'married' to your significant other, as an "older female" in a relationship with an "older man" to whom I was not married, then after marrying him, it is amazing just how much more comfortable most people are when you claim to be 'husband and wife' rather than anything else... Unfortunately, however, this can leave you very vulnerable legally (and especially financially) if you haven't signed the legal paperwork to be 'married'. 

We learn that Jodi thoroughly vets and greatly limits the clients she will work with since one of her young clients committed suicide early in her practice. Now that would be heartrending, and leave you with quite a sense of guilt/responsibility with which to deal. 

1. What does this book say about wives or about the experience of being a wife?

Although this relationship resembles a marriage in virtually every way to onlookers, Jodi and Todd are NOT legally married. However, that doesn't make a difference to the people in the relationship unless they want it to, in my opinion. Ironically, the partner who cheats is the one who wanted to be legally married... I'm not sure why, really. It is just pure confusion and disbelief for me to imagine supposedly 'loving' someone and then having sex with other people. <shaking my head> That just does not compute for me. Jodi knew Todd cheated:
  Cheaters prosper; many of them do. And even if they don't they are not going to change, because, as a rule, people don't change--not without strong motivation and sustained effort. (24) 
Other people are not here to fulfill our needs or meet our expectations, nor will they always treat us well. Failure to accept this will generate feelings of anger and resentment. Peace of mind comes with taking people as they are and emphasizing the positive. (24) 
I agree with this statement to a degree, though I think most of us have limits beyond which we refuse to accept a partner's specific behaviors--infidelity is one for me! And I believe such limits are healthy and help prevent individuals (especially females) from being totally exploited.
Jodi seemingly provided all the things a 'good wife' should: a clean nicely decorated home, home-cooked gourmet meals for supper, and constancy in being home when he arrived home, etc. She seemed to rarely go out with friends or do anything for her own enjoyment without Todd. She believed that if she did all this and overlooked his affairs with other women, all would continue as it had been for 20 years... Her life was built upon and dependent upon routine and as long as that was uninterrupted, she was okay with his transgressions, though she did exhibit passive/aggressive behaviors by frustrating him in little ways as a form of revenge, occasionally misplacing his belongings, and other trivial irritating acts. So she did care on some level, though she claimed not to.

Then the other extreme is represented by Natasha, whom Todd thought 
had made him young again, but now he understands. The women who start to think they own you and the obligations that can break a man. You have to keep moving in life. You have to move fast so they can't pin you down. (268)
Just as Todd has this realization and can better appreciate Jodi's forbearance of his indiscretions and lack of controlling behaviors, he dies.  

  She feels that in killing him off she killed off parts of herself as well. But at heart she knows that those parts perished long ago--the parts that were guileless and trusting, whole-hearted and devout. Places where life once flowed, having lost their blood supply, became dead spots in her psychic tissue, succumbed to a form of necrosis that also invaded the thing that was neither her nor him but the ground between them, the relationship itself. (300)

2. In what way does this woman define "wife"--or in what way is she defined by "wife"?

While Jodi enjoyed the fact that others believe her to be Todd's wife, she was supposedy relieved that she was 'untethered.' However, it was the routine that she most valued, so as long as he continued in the expected routine, she was satisfied with her role as "wife," though she was not his wife in the legal sense. Although Jodi defined her own role as 'partner'/pretend 'wife,' she soon learned that without that legally binding agreement as an official wife, she was financially at risk since Todd legally owned the apartment where she/they lived, etc. And, of course, the problem with a 'philanderer' (I love that word...don't you?) is the risk that he will decide to attach himself to one of these other women and ditch you! Personally, I don't understand why marriage was ever setup in our laws as such a powerful legal relationship. As far as I'm concerned marriage is a religious construct. I think all resulting legal matters should be attended to between/among individuals with no "marriage" laws involved. Each individual should have a will and update it as life changes occur, and "couples" should work out their own legal agreements regarding property, etc. But I digress. Perhaps one of the most commonly known similar situations is that of Stieg Larsson and his long-term partner, Eva Gabrielsson, leaving us with the lesson that if you eschew the legalities of "marriage," you must create the legal documentation to protect each other financially, or else...the long-term partner may be left with no legal claim to your estate. To defend her home, Jodi does the unthinkable, plotting and planning for Todd's death, though if we know her at all, we realize her routine is definitely the MOST important part of her life, and losing her home would, she believes, irreparably disrupt that routine... In this regard, Jodi displays a very common reaction to childhood abuse--to create a life based strictly upon routine, within which to protect yourself. 

In the end, Jodi's definition of "wife" or 'long-term committed partner' includes little to no emotional attachment to another person, but her adult life is committed to very loose attachments due to childhood trauma, in my opinion.

I was pleasantly surprised that this book wasn't 'scary' to me as I feared it might be, except for the fact that we all select and rationalize our life's choices, and that can be a very dangerous proposition, not only for each of us, but for those within our immediate surroundings. Have you read it? I fear it might not be as enjoyable for those who don't like to examine characters' underlying psychological motivations, but perhaps it is... I considered it an amazing examination of "marriage." What are your thoughts? 

September Library Checkout

I believe it is only fitting and proper that I participate in this monthly posting hosted by Shannon of River City Reading. There are several reasons:

1) I am currently President of our local library's Board of Trustees and should use it as much as possible! You know...set a good example! :)

2) I love the library!! Always have...always will! This was virtually my only source of reading material when young. 

3) I should know all about how our local library system and the electronic lending system network functions! Since I am technically a part of our library... :)

4) I already own way too many books and really shouldn't purchase many more... :) Well, okay, to be honest, I should never purchase ANY more books! But that just isn't going to happen! :)

5) I want this to serve as further encouragement to read more library books. Plus, I do have an "in" with our Library Director since I can recommend books for purchase! :) But all library patrons have the option to request specific titles for future purchase!

September 2015

Books Read: 

1) Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng
The blog post says it all for me! Poignant, heartrending, yet in the end, hopeful! 

2) Golden Boy by Abigail Tarttelin 
(Only a Goodreads review posted, blog post under construction!)
A powerful and informative read! (Update--blog post finally done!!)

3) Yes Please by Amy Poehler 
(Only a Goodreads review posted, blog post under construction!)
Since I haven't watched TV in over 15 years I have never watched Amy Poehler, the comedian/actor, but I really enjoyed this audiobook during my commute back and forth to work and I like this woman! She seems to be genuine and honest. I love her description of her love for her sons--she could just eat 'em up! :)

Currently Reading: 

1) Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson
Another audiobook, as with Yes Please, Woodson is the narrator. I am 1/4 done and loving it. Very simple language. Heartfelt. Genuine.  

Checked Out, TBR:

1) Open and Shut by David Rosenfelt
A mystery and first in a series!

2) Moon Tiger by Penelope Lively
Man Booker Prize winner in 1987.

3) Andrea Martin's Lady Parts by Andrea Martin
Looked like it might be humorous and enjoyable--a break from some more intense reads.

Returned Unread:

None. One huge perk to serving on the Board of Trustees is that I never accumulate or owe fines! So I can keep books as long as no one else places a hold on them, with no penalty. :) However, in all fairness I have only taken advantage of this a few times over the past few years! :)

On Hold: 

1) Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir by Jenny Lawson
Another humorous one for the car during my daily commute!

Ng on Everyth(i)ng...

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

Hardcover Edition

I felt I really must read this after seeing Shaina's review at Shaina Reads at the end of August 2015. As I read her review, I said aloud, "No not 'everyone and their pet cat' has read/reviewed this one...for instance, I haven't!" :) When I started checking out others' reviews, I had to read it myself...just to see! 

Firstly, I was reminded of Jhumpa Lahiri's writing style. I have read and absolutely loved Interpreter of Maladies, The Namesake, and Unaccustomed Earth. Like Lahiri, Ng has quite the knack for making each character real and believable, as if they could be my friends and neighbors. I also felt elements of Ng's writing were similar to Maeve Binchy (Too many books published to list them all, even just the ones I've read!) in that we got to know the characters so very well as to realize the underlying motivations for their intentions, actions, and attitudes. Miss Celeste is a master of the first sentence(s), too. I realize everyone else has also used this in their review, but it really is incredible as an opening...at least it was for me! 

  Lydia is dead. But we don't know this yet. 1977, May 3, six-thirty in the morning, no on knows anything but this innocuous fact: Lydia is late for breakfast. (1)

Wowzers! I was hooked instantly! Who wouldn't be? Her mother, Marilyn, starts searching, inside the house, outside the house, confirming that her car is still in the garage, though Lydia doesn't know how to drive, and then she learns Lydia is not in her first-period class, 11th-grade physics (though she is in 10th grade). We later see how ironic that is...

We learn that Lydia has done much to camouflage who she really is and wants to be, simply to keep peace within her household, especially with her parents. Her father, James is of Chinese heritage, though born and bred in the U.S.A., his phenotype is definitely Asian/Chinese, as are Lydia's brother and sister, Nath and Hannah. However, Lydia's phenotype is much more similar to her mother's, who is 'white.' She has her mother's blue eyes, though her hair is dark. The prejudice within this family is no different than so many others, the child most resembling the majority race/ethnicity is the favored one, and that would be Miss Lydia, the middle child of James and Marilyn's three children. I remember reading that even Malcolm X preferred his own children who had lighter skin and facial features that appeared less ethnic. That shocked me! But I have read many other articles confirming that same prejudice for those most resembling the majority among many cultures and subcultures. 

As with many females in the late '60's and throughout the '70's, Marilyn abandoned her own academic/career dreams to get married and have a family. As a female who graduated from high school during the '70's, my mother told me I should definitely go to college, "just as a backup" in case I didn't get married or I ended up divorced and single (like her) or something happened to my husband... I still chuckle at that even now. Though it is more sad than funny... I suppose most of us as we get older sometimes wonder what might have made a difference for us in our lives and the decisions we made as teenagers. But we can't go back! :) We must continue onward and upward! 

  How had it begun? Like everything: with mothers and daughters. Because of Lydia's mother and father, because of her mother's and father's mothers and fathers. Because long ago, her mother had gone missing, and her father had brought her home. Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father had wanted to blend in. (25) 

Much cooler Paperback Cover! 

And this pretty well sums it up! There was a time when Marilyn had simply driven off, moved to another city, and enrolled in college courses, determined to complete her bachelor's degree and then obtain an MD. She had simply abandoned James, Nath, and Lydia to their own devices with no notice. I could relate to her desires, as I had my own similar desires during years spent as a stay-at-home mother, though I was fortunate enough to be able to return to college and complete by bachelor's degree once my three children were in school. I could understand Marilyn's desire to be 'different,' as I was much the same way in high school. Fortunately for me, however, there were at least 4-5 other female classmates who were also science/math nerds, so I was not the ONLY female in those science classes, which I am sure helped me feel much more comfortable than if I had been alone amongst the males. Though I typically preferred hanging out with the males, as opposed to females--I was not interested in talking about boys, dating, clothes, or gossip, which I considered to be a 'waste of my time.' After all, I always had a good book I could be reading, or a sewing or knitting project I could work on... So it might have been easier for me than it seemed to be for her. 

James might not have felt quite so 'different' as an adult had he been hired as a faculty member at Harvard, as he had expected. Once that prospect was removed from his list of possibilities he took a position at a small college in Ohio, where, of course, there would be very little to no 'diversity' among the students/faculty/staff on campus, or the surrounding community. He and his children bore the brunt of prejudice and discrimination as meted out by the local citizenry. I can also relate to that. Though my situation in childhood wasn't nearly as dire, I experienced similar behaviors and attitudes in my own small-town rural Midwestern community simply because my mother was divorced and she and I lived with my grandmother. That was unheard-of back in the '60's and '70's...at least in such rural mid-western small-town environments in the U.S. Overall, it was fairly easy to ignore the older kids on the bus, but I remember not understanding why other adults disliked my mother and talked about her so. (It wasn't like she slept around or anything!) It was obviously much more intense, blatant and hurtful for Lydia and Nathan in small-town Ohio than it was for me. James had worked hard to learn as much as possible as a child, so he could earn a scholarship to attend the private school where his father worked in maintenance. And as a child he was constantly worried that other students would learn of his connection to his father, the janitor. That's just awful! But I'm sure it would be true! He continued to feel uncomfortable even as an undergraduate and then graduate student at Harvard--he had no friends and had never truly connected with any of his peers, until Marilyn...though she was his student, not truly a peer...until she dropped his 'Cowboy' class and they became lovers. They were not that far apart in age. 

Ah, people do create others' stories for themselves, as Lydia and Jack's relationship demonstrates. In a startling discovery, Hannah is the only one who sees Jack's true feelings and the target of his love. Everyone believed Jack was having sex with all the girls who rode in his car. No questions asked. Though no one knew the truth except Jack and those girls. I was shocked by James seeking out Louisa, though of course, they did share the same Asian/Chinese looks, and perhaps that, combined with the loss of his daughter and his seeming inability to connect in a meaningful way with Marilyn at the time 'pushed' him into anothers' arms...but personally, I still cannot condone sleeping with people other than your own spouse/partner when in a committed relationship. And poor little Hannah! It was as if she was always just an afterthought to James and Marilyn, and of course, we can easily imagine it might be difficult for Marilyn not to resent Hannah as the reason she had to once again abandon her own college education and hopes of a professional career. During her mother's absence, Lydia discovers her maternal grandmother's cookbook under a bookcase and as she reads it realizes how unhappy her mother must be and blames herself and Nath.
  If her mother ever came home and told her to finish her milk, she thought, the page wavering to a blur, she would finish her milk. She would brush her teeth without being asked and stop crying when the doctor gave her shots. She would go to sleep the second her mother turned out the light. She would never get sick again. She would do everything her mother told her. Everything her mother wanted. (137)
And so begins Lydia's own 'hell on earth' as she attempts to be the person her mother and father both expect her to be...what they were not. Any loving, caring parent always wants life to be 'better' for their child/children, however, pushing anyone too much to make them into the person you want them to be is a dangerous proposition, and will usually destroy a relationship.

One of the underlying themes in this book was resentment...there was so much to go around! Both Hannah and Nathan couldn't help but resent Lydia because she was the obvious 'favorite' of both parents. Although Nath had one day actually pushed her off the pier into the lake, Lydia was petrified to think of daily life without him to confide in and debrief with, as well as resenting his apparent freedom to do as he pleased, select his own program of study, and school, etc. Poor Hannah, of course, had to resent both her brother and sister and the way she was constantly ignored, but especially her mother and father for their lack of love and attention, which was all showered on Lydia, then Nath, and then...not her,never her... I believe James resented Marilyn's constant attention to Lydia, feeling she carried her expectations for her daughter too far, putting too much pressure on her. I had a good friend in elementary school who was pressured by her parents to be 'perfect' in her schoolwork. She once scored an "A-" on a high school exam and was grounded and had to eat supper with a textbook at the table, studying. She was punished for an A minus! Each grade she earned must be an "A." She ended up not going to college, though she was our valedictorian! Why? Simply because she refused to allow herself to be pressured like that any more--she knew her parents would never leave her alone, but harass her as they had always done. Isn't that sad? Not that every single person should go to college, it is definitely not for everyone, however, you should at least give your children the freedom to decide without undue pressure. I felt sad for her, as I did for Lydia.

Nath's resentment is finally released somewhat as he pushes Lydia off the pier and into the lake,
...the second he touched her, he knew that he had misunderstood everything. When his palms hit her shoulders, when the water closed over her head, Lydia had felt relief so great she had sighed in a deep choking lungful. She had staggered so readily, fell so eagerly, that she and Nath both knew: that she felt it, too, this pull she now exerted, and didn't want it. That the weight of everything tilting toward her was too much. (154)
...It was too big to talk about, what had happened: it was like a landscape they could not see all at once; it was like the sky at night, which turned and turned so they couldn't find its edges. It would always feel too big. He pushed her in. And then he pulled her out. All her life, Lydia would remember one thing. All his life, Nath would remember another. (155) 
Everywhere things came undone. But for the Lees, that knot persisted and tightened, as if Lydia bound them all together. (158)
Yet Lydia herself was coming 'unglued,' so to speak, as Nath thought:
When I get to college--he never completed the sentence, but in his imagined future, he floated away, untethered. (168)
As Nath imagined a life of his own, Lydia was drowning in thoughts of a bleak future without him to save her. Though just as new insights appear to her, her life ends...

I loved this book on so many levels and for so many reasons. Ng brilliantly depicts the marginalization felt by so many who are 'different' from the majority population, especially how that can negatively affect relationships. The danger of parents exerting too much control over their children, living through them, forcing their own unfulfilled goals upon their offspring, effectively smothering any hopes they may have for asserting themselves. Simply put: a great read! Have you read it yet? Are you considering it?

Some other insightful reviews: 

Naomi at Consumed by Ink

Shannon at River City Reading

Catherine at The Gilmore Guide to Books

Top Ten Tuesday--Fall TBR Top Ten

Now this...this is a Top Ten listing I can get behind...perhaps because 

I am sooooooo far behind on my TBR "schedule." :)
Thank you, The Broke and the Bookish! 

You might be muttering to yourself or perhaps even exclaiming aloud, 

"Schedule?!? A TBR 'SCHEDULE'?!?"

Yep! You read that right! :)

In reality, I do these things to myself, don't I?

Much as I would love to 'blame' someone else...<sigh> 

However, I am 'ahead' in that I have already read The Silent Wife by A.S.A. Harrison for the October 5 Literary Wives post. At least that gives me 2 weeks or so to work on the blog post/review and I needed that time since we are traveling over the next two weekends! BONUS! I am 'on schedule' with my 'self-imposed' schedule for Literary Wives! And it was a great read! I was fearful it would be scary (since I am quite the wuss), but I didn't find it to be! BONUS!! This one will also count toward the RIP X challenge! :)

Oh, but wait! I am to list the Top Ten from my TBR listing the I really want to read, not the books I've already read... <AHEM!> 

No problem...here we go! But honestly, I do love to celebrate my victories! 

(They sometimes seem so few and far between!)

#1 The most important (to me) book to complete reading NOW/FIRST!! (No, it is not Gone With the Wind...but it should be! lol) Golden Boy by Abigail Tarttelin! The Socratic Salon already posted their book breakdown this past Sunday, but my hold on this one through my local library system didn't arrive until Monday (yesterday), so I am now 70 pages into this and hope to finish it tomorrow evening. (I would love to complete it tonight...but at some point in time reality should insert itself into my reading goals!) This morning, though I had planned to get another hour's reading done in this, I really needed to take a break to further 'digest' those first 70 pages. Wowzers! Shocking betrayal! Glad I read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. (Whom I saw in person 3 years ago! If you ever get the opportunity to hear him speak--"Do it!" He was quite humorous and very engaging!)

#2 This one must be my next read because another 3 chapters are due by this Saturday as Check-In #3 for the Joy Luck Club Read-Along hosted by Rachelle at The Reading Wench! This is a heartrending read! These poor girls! How are they to ever live productive even halfway happy lives after these childhoods? Unbelievable to me! I can only hope that even in the outlying small villages of China things have improved mightily for females. I have mentioned previously that I tend to be an 'eternal optimist,' right?!? :) This is my first Amy Tan--definitely NOT my last! :) Another Classic and Historical Fiction! 

#3 Still savoring one of my favorite reads EVER!! Gone With the Wind!! And...yes, I am well aware this Read-Along was scheduled to end August 1st! But I am a rebel, after all, setting my own schedule! :) Seriously, I do love this book so very much! Although it is historical fiction and a Pulitzer-Prize-winning Classic, this is at least the 6th time I've read it in this particular lifetime and I just love it more every single time! Mitchell's writing...well, it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! Not a single unnecessary word or syllable, in my humble opinion! 

#4 X by Sue Grafton 

I love mysteries! Kinsey Milhone is one of my absolute favorite protagonists...ever! If I could grant immortality to one author, Grafton would be among several at the top of my list for consideration! :) If you haven't read this series, I would definitely recommend you start with A is for Alibi! I have reread that one several times. It is classic, in my opinion and no better introduction to Kinsey! This will also count toward RIP X! I also loved Kinsey and Me. 

#5 Another mystery for RIPX and Classics Club! The Red House Mystery by A.A. Milne! I had no idea the author of the adorable Winnie-the-Pooh books ever wrote a mystery! I just have to try it out! 

#6 And speaking of mysteries, I have yet to read Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier! That will change by the end of RIP X at the end of October! :) And, of course, this will also count as a Classics Club read! 

#7 Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl! A good friend of mine recommended this as a MUST-READ almost 20 years ago! I am ashamed to note that I have yet to read it, but that will change this month! I will review it as my Classics Club Spin #10! Review to be posted by Friday, October 23! I'm fairly certain I really need to be in the correct frame of mind for this one. I expect it to be I-N-T-E-N-S-E!! And emotional! Definitely qualifies as a Classics Club read! 

#8 Season of the Dragonflies by Sarah Creech! I am so anxious to read this one! We are discussing it on October 24th for the Borders Book Club! Set in the Blue Ridge Mountains and what I expect to be an engaging read! And who doesn't love dragonflies?!? They have always fascinated me! And a debut novel! I always marvel that a first published work can be breathtakingly beautiful!  

#9 After Her by Joyce Maynard! I LOVED Labor Day and own several others of her books, but have yet to read them, then was fascinated by the premise for this one! It will count for RIP X and Historical Fiction! I have faith it will be fabulous! 

And...#10! Last, but by no means least...The Girl in the Spider's Web 

by David Lagercrantz, Stieg Larsson (creator), 

George Goulding (translator)

Yes, I adore Lisbeth and the Millennium Series! 

Definitely a RIP X book, though I don't need another!

I am very sad for Larsson's partner and the fact that she was legally shut out of his estate and I mourn the death of what I consider to be a literary genius, but I am at the same time thrilled that someone is continuing Larsson's legacy.

My husband thought it was well done and I am so very anxious to re-enter Lisbeth and Blomkvist's world!

I was lucky enough to catch an NPR interview with Lagercrantz and I was so very impressed with his thoughtful approach to writing this book! He is, of course, hopeful that readers like his work, but he is even more excited by the fact that this release is motivating those who have never before read the first three books in the series to do so! Now that is cool! 

Have you read any of these? Do you have any thoughts about any of them?