Unworthy by Antonio Monda

Unworthy by Antonio Monda

Firstly, thank you to the publisher for a free copy of this book

as part of the Turning the Pages Goodreads book discussion group.

I seriously doubt I would have read this book otherwise. 
Although I truly enjoyed Monda's writing style, 
I found this book to be thoroughly frustrating. 

I do not currently subscribe to any 'organized religion'. 

Nor have I for almost 30 years.

It no longer appeals to me nor am I interested in it.

The main reason for that? It's simple really... 

The hypocrisy I have witnessed among it's "believers" and leaders. 

I suppose I could best describe myself as a humanist. 

I do believe in both the collective and individual 

ability of humans to create our own world. 

The one book that opened me up to a whole new belief system was 

The Celestine Prophecy: An Adventure by James Redfield. 

I spent the first 5-6 years of my 3rd decade of life reading and studying alternative forms of religion, both organized and otherwise. 

I was searching because the Christian religions to which 

I had been exposed just didn't work for me. 

"Just have faith." 

"You must have faith."

"You must simply believe..." 

The only symbols offered for such unlimited and eternal "faith" and belief 

seemed ethereal/nonexistent, unreliable, and undependable at best. 

If nothing was absolute, then why couldn't I learn 

 to simply develop MYSELF/ME? 

Surely I could benefit just as much, if not more, by simply living my daily life to the best of my ability, since I really have very little to no control over my life circumstances to a great degree. 

I refused to believe some mythical being had predetermined my life. 

Nope. That did not work for me...

Once I began reading about other worldwide belief systems I realized many of the same underlying tenets were present for many, if not most, of them.

Now that you have a bit of my 'religious' history, you can perhaps understand why I would not typically be interested in reading this book. :)

However, I found the writing to be easily accessible even if it was a bit dense and definitely thought-provoking. 

The whole book deals with "Father" Singer (Abram) and his battle with Catholic beliefs, 

especially regarding the personal activities expected  of priests, in his own daily life. 

Firstly, a priest is to remain celibate. 

(Admittedly, this has never made sense to me.)

Whereas, Abram has had relationships with three different women thus far during his priesthood years.

Granted, the first two were very brief in nature, 

but this third woman, Lisa, he truly loves and I believe she truly loves him, even while realizing the limitations of their relationship given his vocation. 

Now, really, I admit that overall, this doesn't bother me nearly as much as the fact that 
he is constantly stealing from the church. 

Secondly, a priest should NOT be a thief!

He steals from the collection plate consistently to purchase gifts for Lisa, meals and even to finance a short trip for them both. 

Abram states that each of these three women have stated to him:

You're a priest, aren't you ashamed? (6)

Though Lisa says 

...it with a caress, because she loves me as she loves her own life... (6)

Lisa even undergoes an abortion during the time they are together. I wondered who paid for that. His stolen funds?

Fortunately, this book is relatively short--only 175 pages in length, because I kept wanting to shout out loud about every other page, "WHY?" Why would a person persist in perpetuating himself in such a sham of a vocation and societal/cultural role when he is a total and complete hypocrite? I would agree with some of the Turning the Pages members who cited that Abram's ego was the true motivation for his becoming and remaining a priest. He exhibits this as he realizes that many people recognize him as "Father" even when he is not wearing his vocational 'costume'/robe. He likes that. He very much loves the idea of others viewing him as pious and a good role model, even when he knows he is anything but. As one of the members stated, he loved the idea that he was fooling everyone! Hence it fed his ego... I believe that was a large part of his motivation for remaining in the priesthood. 

Though he describes how he could "see God in everything" when he was working as a construction worker building skyscrapers:

In my fellow workers' eyes, filled with enthusiasm and hope.

In our callused hands, which defied first the sea and then the sky. (8)

Now this I could relate to. We should be able to recognize spirituality in every aspect of our daily lives. However, it seemed that once he entered the priesthood that sensible spirituality left him. Rather ironic... It was then that he became successful at building up the diocese, increasing attendance, etc. I felt he exchanged this "success" for the insightful reverence for everyday interactions and tasks. 

And I must wonder at the author's intent in writing this book. Perhaps Phillip Roth put it succinctly:

With storytelling finesse, Monda has written a compact and forceful book that might be 

a morbid erotic tale out of Boccaccio, exposing the tormented lust of the clergy. (Wikipedia)

Monda is a practicing Catholic. Which seems to make no sense as I feel this whole book meant to undermine the Catholic religion for its unrealistic expectations with regard to the humans who serve as its leaders and champions. Perhaps he would like to incite change? Or is he merely trying to prove that all sinners are absolved even if they never truly change their behaviors? It is this tenet of the Catholic religion with which I specifically disagree. There is accountability to be had for your efforts to improve and change for the better, in my opinion. Without that, there is no real positive change to be had. 

I could appreciate Monda's description of the Twin Towers (at least I suppose that was the construction project he was working on and describing in NYC in the '70's) and one politician's description:

On the day of his inauguration, Mayor Beame declared that at least fifty thousand people 

would work in those two skyscrapers, and that within a few years the buildings 

would be welcoming two hundred thousand visitors every day. 

A monument to the future, he said, a monument that nothing and no one could scratch, 

and would bear witness forever to the power of the city whose mayor he had the honor to be. He thanked us all, Mayor Beame did, speaking in the same vibrant tones that he would employ before too long when begging President Ford to help the invincible city avoid bankruptcy. (10)

Talk about "tongue in cheek"! To me, this whole book was about ironies...

Abram describes confessing to Father John and the "severity with which he absolved" him, followed by the "kindness with which he put his arms around" Abram. 

...I also remember his gray face when he died a few weeks later.

I felt guilty, as if I had been the cause of the aneurysm, and I wept like a baby, 

because...I realized that from that moment on, 

nothing and no one would stop me from going adrift. (15)

How hypocritical! We are to believe that without this one man, Abram is now incapable of controlling himself? What happened to God?!? and faith?!? Or is that a manifestation of the Catholic religion? I have always understood that it is the priest who controls a believer's relationship with God, that a priest is the only conduit, so there is no supposedly personal relationship between "God" and any believer. That makes even less sense to me than the religions to which I have directly been exposed. 

Abram states that he's "always been afraid of losing the privilege of his religion."  That statement caught my attention. I often wonder how many times people simply "go with the flow" and assume or even pretend to have "faith" and "believe in God" simply as a way to "fit in" with society. It has been quite a journey for me to begin to feel halfway comfortable stating that I subscribe to no organized religion, nor do I hold any belief in a deity. But I can state that my own spirituality is very much hands-on and practical, with its foundation in my everyday interactions, behaviors, and actions. This usually shocks people. They appear to be dumbfounded that anyone could state such certainty in such a completely 'unreligious' belief system. 

I cannot say I enjoyed reading this book, though I admit it did make me think. Mostly in an angry and frustrated way, however. In my own world, this book depicted much of what I feel is "wrong" with organized religion, particularly Catholicism. Just keep "sinning" and as long as you beg forgiveness, all is well.

Have you read this book? 

If so, what are your thoughts?

I would love to know the reactions of a Catholic believer to this one...

Happy reading!

--Lynn