Was it really in the "center"?

Dead Center by David Rosenfelt

Rosenfelt does it again! 

He makes me laugh! He challenges my crime-solving skills! 

And he makes me want a dog like Tara all for myself!

First sentence:

Do you get spiritual credit for celibacy if its involuntary? (1)

I was laughing so hard my husband just had to know what I was reading!       It turns out this is his opening comment to Rita, his "practice date."     She is a self-proclaimed "expert in dating, sex, and everything else that might take place between a man and a woman" and Andy is hoping         she will impart some of this vast knowledge to him. 

She suggests he might not want to actually pose this question to a date. 

Andy feels he is trapped in a stage that is an "ironic opposite of high school"--there are plenty of women who seem to be available, but he isn't interested. He admits that Laurie left--or "dumped him," as he terms it--four and a half months ago.

"You've got to get a move on , Andy. It's time..." Then the realization hits her, and she puts down her wineglass. "My God, you haven't had sex in four and a half months?"

It's painful for me to listen to this, partially because it's true, but mostly because the waitress has just come over and heard it as well. [Yes, I'm laughing again!]

I turn to the waitress. "She meant days...I haven't had sex in four and a half days. 

Which for me is a really long time.

The waitress just shrugs her disinterest. "I'm afraid I can't help you with that. More coffee?" (4)

Poor Andy! I'm not sure any of this is really helping...? 

"Pardon the expression," [Rita] asks, "but you want me to straighten you out?"

This question stuns me. She seems to be suggesting that we have sex, but I'm not sure, since I can count the number of times women have propositioned me in this manner on no fingers. 

"You mean...you and me?"

She looks at her watch and shrugs. "Why not? It's still early." [I'm dyin' laughin' now!]

"I appreciate the offer, Rita, but I'm just not ready. I guess I need sex to be more meaningful. 

Sex without love is just not what I'm looking for anymore; those days are behind me."

These are the words that form in my mind but don't actually come out through my mouth.

What my mouth winds up saying is, "Absolutely." And then, "Check, please." (5)

I couldn't help it, I just had to stop and laugh!! Andy is unable to walk Rita to the door the next morning:

Even after summoning all the energy I have left, all I'm able to do is gasp my thanks. 

She smiles and leaves, apparently pleased at a job well done. 

"Well done" doesn't come close to describing it. There are certain times in one's life where one can tell that one is in the presence of greatness. Sex with Rita would be akin to 

sharing a stage with Olivier or having a catch with Willie Mays or singing a duet with Pavarotti. 

It is all I can do to avoid saying, "Good-bye, maestro," when she leaves. (7)

Andy now works as a legal talking head on cable television, a pundit who argues legalities with other pundits. He is interrupted on one of these CNN shows with a special breaking live report from...Findlay, Wisconsin, where Laurie is now Acting Chief of Police and in the process of announcing an arrest in a double murder in that small community. Andy is nauseous, shocked, and then proud, as he watches and listens. As the legal analysis is restarted, the host asks Andy several questions related to Laurie and himself:

"And just so our audience will know the full picture, is it true that Laurie Collins, the love of your life, dumped you? And is it also true that you didn't have sex until Rita Gordon took pity on you last night?" Spencer doesn't ask me these questions; 
they only reside in the pathetic recesses of my mind." (16)

I was laughing yet again! 

It cracks me up how Andy always evaluates everybody's weight and height. For example, he describes his two best friends...

Pete is six three and slim, while Vince is five eight and round. 

They remind me of Abbott and Costello, but with less dignity. (19)

Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm wondering how they could possibly be less dignified than Abbott and Costello. Really? :) But according to him it is! Pete helpfully suggests...

"You should take out Karen Sampson."

Karen Sampson is a friend of Pete's wife's who is completely unappealing to me in both looks and personality. "I don't think so," I say. "I think she's more Vince's type."

Vince considered this for a moment and shrugs. "Sure, I'll take her out. Why not?"

"Why not?" Pete asks."Cause I like her, and 'cause she's a normal human being, that's why not." (20)

Ah...now I get the resemblance to Abbot and Costello! :)

Laurie ends up calling Andy to help with this double murder case. Although there is enough evidence to arrest and possibly convict a young man, she doesn't believe he's guilty. He agrees to speak with the defendant's father about his son's case and...ends up out in Findlay, Wisconsin, serving as Counsel for the Defense along with the local guy who had already been hired, Calvin Marshall, who describes himself as a "grizzled, cantankerous small-town attorney." Once Andy is settled in at the local hotel he realizes there is NO TV in his room! This man cannot survive without sports on TV! When he returns to his room that evening, one has been placed in his room.

"To my surprise and delight, the hotel gets cable TV, including the ESPNs and CNN. 

Between the pizza and a Knicks-Spurs game, for the first time 

I feel like Findlay is providing the intellectual and cultural stimulation I require. (58)

Then there is a knock on the door and the bellman delivers a small coffeemaker that Andy had asked for. He absolutely freaks out when Andy hands him a $5 dollar bill as a tip, so that he makes "a silent vow to undertip the rest of [his] stay." As soon as Andy and Tara have settled back onto the bed again, there is another knock on the door. But this time it is Laurie, whom Tara literally drops to the floor, being so excited to see her again! 

She comes inside the room and closes the door behind her. 

We look at each other for probably five seconds, though it feels like an hour and a half. 

Then she moves toward me and kisses me, and the anger I have been feeling for the 

last four and a half months is overwhelmed by something that feels nothing like anger.

Our clothes are off and we're in bed so fast that it's as if we're in a movie and the scene has been edited...as if the director has mandated they do a quick cut from the clothed scene at the door to the naked scene in bed. In all the times I pictured meeting Laurie, never once did it wind up like this. 

I need to work on my picturing skills. (59)

Ha! I guess you do, Andy! Their night of passion is interrupted when Laurie is called out to the scene of a crime...the accused young man's parent's home has been firebombed. His father begs Andy,

"You've got to help our son, Mr. Carpenter. Please...

I'd like to say we can handle this on our own, but there's no way."

Six hours ago I had decided not to take on the case. Since then, the Davidsons' house 

has been firebombed, I've had sex with Laurie, and I've discovered that the hotel has ESPN. 

To say the least, these are new factors to consider. 

The truth is, the most important new factor is what happened at this house. 

I simultaneously possess a lack of physical courage and a refusal to back down from bullies. 

It's amazing I've lived as long as I have. (67)

Thus begins "an interesting few months." Andy is jealous of Lieutenant Parsons, with whom Laurie works closely. Finally Laurie says,

"Andy, do you think in a million years I would stoop to 

having a relationship with someone who works for me?"

"You worked for me," I point out.

She nods. "I never said you wouldn't stoop that low."...

Leaving me with still another conversational defeat. (74)

Andy ends up pullling in those he usually works with in New Jersey to help with this case. Kevin actually comes out to Findlay to stay, as well as Marcus, the oversized 'animal' who keeps Andy safe from thugs and others who might wish to do him harm, or even try to kill him. As Andy and Calvin approach Andy's rental house, they see Marcus:

Marcus sitting on the porch of this peaceful house in this sedate little town gives new meaning to the word "incongruous." He projects pure menace and power, 

and Calvin says, "You'd better get him inside quick." 

"Why?" I ask. 

"Because in two minutes, FOR SALE signs are going to be popping up on this street like weeds." (142)

Darn good thing Marcus is there! He saves Andy and others several times over. 

Calvin and Andy become good buds. 

Calvin is the perfect couch potato companion; I even feel comfortable allowing him to handle the remote control. Higher praise I cannot bestow on a fellow human." (161)

As is typical with Rosenfelt, some of the good guys die, and Andy discovers his client has lied to him.

I will never fully trust him again and will always be worried that there's another freight train coming around the next bend. His lie doesn't make him a murderer, 

but it certainly makes it more likely he will be convicted as one. (182)

While I could certainly understand the accused person's reluctance to divulge the truth of his actions, I could also relate to an attorney's loss of faith in his own client. That would just serve to further complicate things and make a defense much more difficult.

In the end, Andy's investigation ends up 'centered' around Center City, the home of the Centurion religion in which there is a huge wheel that is spun to determine all kinds of things about these people and their lives: who they will marry, what their career will be, etc. Though only one man is capable of interpreting the wheel's markings to determine what it means. 

"...the townspeople have achieved a serenity and bizarre freedom of choice 

by their choosing to give up that freedom. (305)

This 'closed society' is implicated in many ways regarding the murders committed in this area. But as usual, Andy encounters unexpected twists and turns and all turns out as well as could be expected. And...he and Laurie decide to make a long-distance relationship work, rather than breaking up...again! That is excellent news!!

Rosenfelt does some philosophizing in this one, but in his usual offhanded way. 

I believe this may be my favorite of this series so far.

Do you have a favorite series you read for pleasure and escape?

Sudden Death...for Andy Carpenter?

Sudden Death by David Rosenfelt

This is the fourth book in the Andy Carpenter series.
Andy's luck holds regarding solving a crime 
and identifying the perpetrator(s), 
but will that be true in the 'loving relationship' department?

Laurie, the love of his life and assistant, has been 

offered a job back in her hometown after attending a class reunion. 

Andy agonizes all through the book about this opportunity presented to her and whether she will choose to leave him or not, understandably so. 

He loves her to death and doesn't understand why she doesn't want to get married. Though, in all fairness, he's never really asked... 

Yes, that could be a problem! 

Tony Preston, wide receiver for the New York Jets is dead. Kenny Schilling, the New York Giants' star running back has been arrested for Tony's murder.

Andy is a huge sports fan...and an defense attorney...and Kenny's lawyer.

It looks impossible, as if there is no way to prove Kenny's innocence, 

if he is, in fact, innocent!

I submit the opening paragraphs for your reading pleasure!

I step off the plane, and for the first time in my life, I'm in Los Angeles. I'm not sure why I've never been here before. I certainly haven't had any preconceived notions about the place, other than the fact that the people here are insincere, draft-dodging, drug-taking, money-grubbing, breast-implanting, out-of-touch, pate-eating, pompous, Lakers-loving, let's-do-lunching, elitist scumbags.
But here I am, open-minded as always. 
Walking next to me is Willie Miller, whose own mind is so wide-open that anything at all is completely free to go in and out, and often does. I'm not sure how thoughts actually enter his mind, but the point of exit is definitely his mouth. "This place ain't so cool," says Willie. (1)

This. This is it. This is one of the main reasons I read this series! Pure entertainment with a solid mystery thrown into the mix! :) Open-mindedness is NOT what I would call this! :) Humorous, however, is what I would term it! :)

Andy and Laurie frequently try to get information from Pete, a member of the local police force. Often he feels unable to share much with the 'defense.' However,

There would be no downside at all to his supplying background information in this case, 

since it is under the jurisdiction of the state police.

"Did he give you specifics?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "Over dinner with you. Tonight. He invited me as well."

I nod with resignation, Since I've inherited my fortune, Pete's goal has been to make me poor again. He does this by selecting the most overpriced restaurants he can find and then stuffing himself to the point where he has to be lifted out of his chair with a crane, while I pick up the tab. "I hope he didn't choose the restaurant," I say. 

"He did. It's a place in the city." 

New York City. Pete hates New York City, always has, but he's apparently 

become disenchanted with the reasonable cost structure of New Jersey restaurants. 

"It would be cheaper to bribe the jury," I say.  (71)

Again, love that humor! 

Andy plays a rather dangerous game, pitting one mobster against another, all to try to keep himself alive. As he has stated before, he feels that Edna, his Administrative Assistant, is rarely very useful. He is visiting Paul Moreno, to convince him to prevent Andy from being killed.

Paul Moreno's personal assistant is so cute and perky she could be a cheerleader.

In the next five minutes Cassie announces my presence to Moreno, fields two phone calls, 

brings me some delicious hot coffee, and gets me in to see Moreno. 

All of this she accomplishes with a smile. She is the anti-Edna. (103)

But, Edna is a wonder at completing crossword puzzles! Doesn't that count?!? :)

This book provides yet another murderer who is wily and discreet. Though I admit, I was quite suspicious of the correct person/people, I wasn't certain until the very end. 

The end...when Laurie makes a decision regarding 

moving back to her hometown or staying with Andy.

Rosenfelt does a great job of incorporating Andy's mental 'self talk' 

regarding Laurie and his relationship with her. 

He always wants to be witty and wise, but typically...isn't!

Lovin' this series! Do you read any mystery series?

More Andy Carpenter!

Bury the Lead  

by David Rosenfelt

This is the third installment in the Andy Carpenter series 
written by David Rosenfelt.

Bury the Lead opens with Andy searching for his associate, Kevin Randall, in Kevin's "Lawdromat" where free legal advice is dispensed to customers "along with detergent and bleach." :) A woman is giving Andy "the eye" and he muses,

  "Truth be told, even if we were in a nightclub and the woman looked more like 

Halle than Boysen Berry, I doubt I could accurately gauge the situation. 

I'm no better than average-looking myself and thus have almost 

no experience with women giving me the eye. 

In fact, though I'm not in the habit of counting offered body parts, 

it's safe to say that over the years I've gotten the finger more than the eye." (1)

Yep! That's on the first page! Start me off laughing! I love it! 

Rosenfelt also gives us a bit of information about Jersey in each book, it seems. For instance, he is a die-hard sports fan, watching sports on TV for hours/days on end. Since our TV has been shut off in our house for over 15 years, I know nothing about TV stations, networks, etc. He fills us in on Jersey's woes...

  The most embarrassing part is that all the major TV stations that cover New jersey 

are based in New York. Ottumwa, Iowa, has its own network affiliates, but Jersey doesn't. 

It should thus come as no surprise that those same stations 

treat Jerseyites as second-class citizens. (4)

Awww... ;) Even Andy realizes that he really needs to get to work. He is independently wealthy after inheriting a previously undiscovered insane amount of money from his father's estate, so he doesn't have to work... (Yes, I am insanely jealous of this fictional protagonist! :)) Problem solved when Vince Sanders, "editor of what passes as the local newspaper in Paterson," calls...

I've known Vince for about a year. He's cantankerous and obnoxious on the surface,

but when you chip that away and dig deeper, you find him to be surly and disagreeable.

You probably could say Vince and I have become good friends, 

if your definition of "friends" isn't too rigid. We're not "Ya-Ya Brotherhood" types, 

but we hang out some in sports bars and trade insults, which fits my definition pretty well. (10)

Sounds like a "typical" male definition, doesn't it? ;) It made me laugh! Vince wants Andy to protect his star reporter, Daniel Cummings. 

I'm not understanding any of this. "So, you're going to pay me?"

"Pay you? Are you out of your mind?"

My friends share two common views about money. 

They think they don't have enough, and that I have too much. 

"This is what I do for a living, Vince. I'm a lawyer. 

I got an A in money grubbing in law school." (11)

Again...I'm laughing! 

Andy performs a bit of self-psychotherapy while on the road. 

On the way to meet with Daniel Cummings, I reflect on why I've been in a foul mood lately.

I'm not big on self-reflection, so I try to get this session over while sitting at one traffic light.

I quickly come up with four possibilities. One, I need to get back to some real work.

Two, I'm thirty-seven years old and beginning a mid-life crisis, whatever that is. 

Three, I miss Laurie terribly. And four, Laurie doesn't seem to miss me nearly as much. 

I don't know which of those is true, but the one I'm rooting against is number four. (23)

I admit to loving Rosenfelt's snarkiness! There is a killer loose and he appears to be using Daniel as his communication 'window to the world.' Daniel is discovered at the scene of the most recent murder nearly unconscious with a rather serious head-wound. Andy arrives...

"Captain Millen, my name is Andy Carpenter," I say, my voice deep and powerful so as to convey my authority. "I'm representing Mr. Cummings."

"Good for you." He doesn't seem to be cowed.

"My client is obviously injured."

"And Linda Padillo is obviously dead. So stop interrupting or I'll have you obviously removed."

He's speaking to me as if I am an annoying child. This is unacceptable and demeaning, 

but I back off, so as to avoid getting sent to my room for a time-out. (36)

Ha! Ha! However, it becomes more serious when Cummings is arrested for this crime. 

"I'm not going to lie to you, Daniel." My mind registers that I've started thinking of him as "Daniel," rather than "Cummings," because I need to get personally close to my clients. 

Then my mind registers that I am thinking of him as a client, which means I must at least be considering taking on the case. Sometimes my mind has a mind of its own. (50)

You guess correctly...more laughing from me! 

Vince reveals that Daniel is actually his biological child. 

Vince goes at the french fries with both hands; he's feeling a hell of a lot better. 

"I really surprised you, didn't I?" he asks, smiling for the first time.

I nod. "You sure did. I still can't believe it. You actually had sex with someone." (56)

Ah, yes, those insults! :)

From this point on, the 'case' becomes quite intense and twisted. Not only does the reader benefit from Rosenfelt's humor, but you get an A-one mystery along with it! Once your client has been arrested and is imprisoned, it is rather good news that the "serial killer" strikes again...however, Rosenfelt never hesitates to depict the ethical/moral dilemmas.

The first thing Daniel says when he's brought in is, 

"Is it all true? Did he really kill someone else?"

I confirm that it is in fact true and bring him up-to-date on where we stand. 

He takes it all in, a look of wonderment on his face. When I finish, he says, 

"It's weird: An innocent person dies and it makes our case." 

My opinion of him instantly goes up a very large notch; 

his reaction is exactly what mine should have been. (218)

As always, in the end Andy gets to the bottom of the case and discovers the true criminal. Though there are more criminals than you might imagine and he takes a helluva chance by enlisting some organized crime people to help. Whew! He is brave. Except perhaps when it comes to Laurie...

"Andy, are you asking me to marry you?"

Uh-oh. The direct approach. This is not my strong suit. 

[Which may account for the fact they aren't married? :)]

The fact is, it's not so much that I want to get married, but more that I want Laurie to want to.

"Would you say yes if I did?"

She smiles slightly. "Okay, I'll let you off the hook and answer your question without you having to ask it. No, I don't want to marry you. Not now."

I feel like somebody just hit me in the stomach with a seven-hundred pound snowball. "Why?"

"Andy, I love you. Right now I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 

I don't know if that will ever change; I hope it doesn't. 

But I've just never had a need to be married. If it's important to you, I'll do it. 

But it won't make me love you any more, 

because I couldn't love anyone any more than I love you." 

Tara barks, which I think is her way of telling me to keep my mouth shut and leave well enough alone.        I can't stifle a smile as I look up toward the sky and take a deep breath. 

"The air really feels great, doesn't it?" (261)

Awww...though I know, since I've already read the next book in the series, this idyllic time does not last...

I love Rosenfelt's writing and keep resisting reading the next book in the series because I have other books to read for book clubs, etc., first!

If you think this series might at all appeal to you, I strongly suggest you try it!

The dangers of assuming a criminal case is "Open and Shut"...

Open and Shut by 

David Rosenfelt

This book proves that so very much can be 

'faked' and 'overlooked' when dealing with 

a criminal case, if the evildoers have enough control.

I do not recall how I initially became aware of Rosenfelt and his Andy Carpenter mystery series, 

but I am grateful to have found it!

I want to read them all!

I love Rosenfelt's characterization--not only do I feel as if I know each character well, I love that even "the good guys" aren't perfect! And the "bad guys" aren't all bad...well, except one or two... :) And there was no fear of me figuring out the whole story, though every once in awhile I would have a glimmer of possible insight, Rosenfelt was good at building the mysteries, for truly, there was more than one!

The book begins with a description of driving through the Lincoln Tunnel on his way to northern New Jersey from New York City. 
  I'm one link in an endless chain of drivers, all moving our cars through an atmosphere of one hundred percent pure carbon monoxide. Tunnel workers patrol walkways along the walls; I assume they are there to make sure no car achieves a speed above three miles an hour. Their lungs must have a life expectancy of an hour and a half. (1)
I found this first passage of the book to be a good example of Rosenfelt's writing style: realistic with sarcastic humor thrown in! I laughed and chuckled throughout the book, though the story line was definitely serious. 
  Suddenly, without warning, a burst of speed by the cars ahead lets me gun the accelerator to almost five miles an hour. At this rate, there's a chance I might make it home in time to leave for court tomorrow morning. (3)  
I cannot imagine driving in such traffic jams every single day. I have been stuck in commuting traffic in Baltimore, Chicago, Washington DC, and Atlanta. Those make the traffic I sometimes encounter in my own workday commute pale in comparison, which makes me feel fortunate! 

And anyone who can write about a canine companion as well as he does most certainly deserves to be read! 

  There is nothing like a golden retriever. I know, I know. It's a big planet with a lot of wonderful things, but golden retrievers are the absolute best. Mine is named Tara....The only problem she has ever caused is that I spend so much time with her in the mornings that I am almost invariably late for work. (4)

On his way into court:

I'd love to take her with me, and she often comes to my office, but the bailiffs take a dim view of canines in court. What they don't realize is that she's smarter than half the lawyers that practice there. (4) 

Okay, admittedly, it should state "who practice there" for grammatical accuracy, but...I do understand his statement! :)

Andy is known for his trickery in the court system. I could truly appreciate several of those depicted in the book, particularly the fact that if a jury could possibly believe someone else had just confessed to committing a specific crime, then they were NOT convinced beyond a "reasonable doubt" of the defendant's guilt. Good point! I have served on two juries and it can be tricky! You must keep your mind open and consider all possibilities. In contrast, his father, who was a venerated ex-District Attorney was known to be 'true blue' and never do anything untoward during his legal career--playing strictly 'by the book.' 

Rosenfelt manages to insert a bit of philosophy here and there:

  Today the Yankees are playing the Red Sox. I used to hate the Red Sox...and anybody else not in pinstripes. But I don't hate anymore, I'm too arrogant for that. To hate is to grant a level of importance that those teams don't deserve. We dismiss our opponents, we don't hate them. They are not worthy of that. (13)

Ha! I really like this. I have learned in my almost 60 years that the less I can allow myself to react emotionally, the better. That especially includes negative feelings toward anyone or anything. It's difficult to describe, but it does make my life much happier, much less chaotic, and my outlook much calmer. I work hard to coach myself to simply accept and deal in the best way possible, realizing situations over which I have absolutely no control and those upon which I might be able to make some positive impact.

More humor:

  I also was leery of mixing business with pleasure, cognizant as I was of the difficulties that can result. But the main reason I hesitated to sleep with Laurie is because whenever I brought it up she said no. Two weeks ago she changed her mind, which coincidentally was the exact moment I stopped hesitating. (19)

Ha! More of that 'tongue in cheek' humor! :) And later...

I haven't mentioned this to Laurie yet, and I tell myself it's because I haven't seen her. I also tell myself that I don't owe her anything, that we have no commitment to each other, but I can't quite get myself to stop feeling like a shithead. (29) 

And he was acting like a shithead, but it is true, isn't it? We all have times when we just can't make ourselves do what we know we should do...

Andy is representing the fruit stand owner's son and she is paying him with fruit every few days...

  On the way into the office I'm stopped by Sofia Hernandez, standing and waiting for me in front of her fruit stand. She hands me two cantaloupes, the second installment on her son's legal bills.

  "Thank you," I say. "You know, the best thing about being paid in cantaloupes is that they don't bounce."

  She doesn't come close to getting the joke. If a joke is told in a fruit stand and nobody gets it, did it make a sound? (45)

Oh, my. There is so much in this passage. Mainly, though, Rosenfelt demonstrates that humor is always the last nuance of a non-native language that will be understood by a non-native speaker. Humor is so closely tied to the specific culture that it is unfamiliar to the other person. Useful information to have and use! 

Such great descriptions! As he enters the prison's death row to visit with a client:

  The place seems entirely gray, as if I am looking at it through black and white eyes. The stench of hopelessness is everywhere; it feels like the animal shelter in which I found Tara. Everybody in cages, just waiting until it's time to die, knowing no one is coming to set them free. (25)

Whew! That's a pretty strong image and I imagine it is true. 

I admit that I was relieved to hear the truth about his father's actions 40 years earlier, as was Andy. There are several different mysteries involved in this one book, though in some ways they are intertwined. Although this book does involve a "conspiracy" it is not 'formulaic' as I would describe many of the writers who incorporate conspiracies into their mysteries. Rosenfelt is much more involved in the characters' personalities and motivations than just actions, and that's the kind of mystery writer whose works I most enjoy! Oh, it will be difficult not to just immerse myself in the rest of his books immediately! Library wishlist here I come! :)

Have you read any of Rosenfelt's books? 

I would heartily recommend you give this series a try!